Religion jokes
Where does a banana learn to split?
At sundae school!
You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.
Belief in Egyptian gods is just Ra-ng (wrong). đ
Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.
God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.
Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
I donât know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasnât Asian because people wouldnât ask him to take the wheel.
What's something you can say in church and while having sex?
I come in the name of the Lord.
I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
How do you know youâre at a gay church?
Half the congregation is kneeling.
Ever wonder how a Jehovahâs Witness spreads their word during Covid?
Now that youâre here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."
People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable, even God himself couldnât destroy it.
God: Ok, bet, whereâs my icebergs?
My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...
What's the opposite of an exorcism?
When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...
Orphan's prayer: In the name of the Father, The Son, The Holy Spirit. Amen.
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"