Religion jokes

How do you know you’re at a gay church?

Half the congregation is kneeling.

Where do babies get baptized?

So the priest can wash their sex toys.

What Disney movie does the church make little girls watch?

Snow White and the Seven Deadly Sins.

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

If a Muslim loses his Faith... Does he throw in the Towel?

I dated an Indian girl for about six months. She was always Sikhing attention.

So can we agree that Jesus was the first victim of cancel culture?

I made a deal with Satan. I would get a free pass to hell if I serve as a demon lord. So, see you guys at the end of times!

People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable, even God himself couldn’t destroy it.

God: Ok, bet, where’s my icebergs?

My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...

What's the opposite of an exorcism?

When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...

I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.

Adam and Eve had 3 male children, the only children on Earth. How did they reproduce?

A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.

What kind of book does cheese read at a church?

The Hole-y Bible.

Why do orphans love going to church?

Because they can call someone "father."

Why do orphans go to church?

Because they have someone to call "Father."

Jesus is the worst, just joking; he is the best! Best best BFF great guy ever that has a miracle. Jesus comes from Bethlehem! 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😇

A priest and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

Why does an orphan go to church?

So it has someone to call father.