Religion jokes

Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"

"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

What's the opposite of an exorcism?

When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...

I made a deal with Satan. I would get a free pass to hell if I serve as a demon lord. So, see you guys at the end of times!

My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...

People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable, even God himself couldn’t destroy it.

God: Ok, bet, where’s my icebergs?

Adam and Eve had 3 male children, the only children on Earth. How did they reproduce?

If a Muslim loses his Faith... Does he throw in the Towel?

Where do babies get baptized?

So the priest can wash their sex toys.

How do you know you’re at a gay church?

Half the congregation is kneeling.

I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.

What kind of book does cheese read at a church?

The Hole-y Bible.

Why do orphans love going to church?

Because they can call someone "father."

Why do orphans go to church?

Because they have someone to call "Father."

A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.

So can we agree that Jesus was the first victim of cancel culture?

Why does an orphan go to church?

So it has someone to call father.

Sister: Why does shampoo have directions?

Me: 'Cause God made you.