Religion jokes
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile? There isn't a difference.
What did Mother Mary say when God farted? Jesus Christ, you stink!
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.
What pizza 🍕 do you order for Christmas?
Cheeses Crust!
What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.
Sister: Why does shampoo have directions?
Me: 'Cause God made you.
Why can’t an orphan go to a youth church? Because they need a parent to pick them up.
"Jesus is the pioneer of Hollywood. He's still famous and my favorite idol."
A priest and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun in a blender.
Why does an orphan go to church?
So it has someone to call father.
Where does a banana learn to split?
At sundae school!
Jesus is the worst, just joking; he is the best! Best best BFF great guy ever that has a miracle. Jesus comes from Bethlehem! 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😇
A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.
Why do orphans love going to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they have someone to call "Father."
What kind of book does cheese read at a church?
The Hole-y Bible.
What is humble, holy, and helps?
An angle...
Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?
It's when the devil tells the priest to get out of the child.