Religion jokes

"Jesus is the pioneer of Hollywood. He's still famous and my favorite idol."

A priest and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.

Where does a banana learn to split?

At sundae school!

You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.

Belief in Egyptian gods is just Ra-ng (wrong). 😁

Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.

What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?

"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"

I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.

God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.

Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.

I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.

What's something you can say in church and while having sex?

I come in the name of the Lord.

I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.

What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?

"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"

How do you know you’re at a gay church?

Half the congregation is kneeling.

Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."

People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable, even God himself couldn’t destroy it.

God: Ok, bet, where’s my icebergs?

My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...