Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)
Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.
Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.
God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:
God: No, I don’t want to.
Do y'all love Jesus, God? 🙏❤️
Do you want to give your life to God and be in Heaven?
What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?
"Let us pray."
What’s the difference between God and Hitler?
God made thousands of bread, Hitler made thousands of toast.
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.
God being a sniper is so fun!
If orphans aren’t religious, they really have no father. 😂
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Well... I mean, they could go to church and try to gather that someone hit them.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Golly.
Golly who?
Godly leave me alone!
The bird was trying to cross the road because there was a church, but instead, the birds chirp chirp chirp, "Let's go to church!"
What did Satin say to God??
"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"
Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.
It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.
Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?
It's when the demon tells the priest to exit the child's body.
If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*
I am starting a frog cult now!
Nun's worst holiday? Norfolk.
Nun's best holiday? Bangkok.
