Religion jokes
Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"
What's God's favorite Michael Jackson song? The Earth Song. 😍😍😍
Your hairline goes so far back that it had dinner with Jesus.
"'There is no God.' - Stephen Hawking (2011)
'There is no Stephen Hawking.' - God (2018)"
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday, but, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.
Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.
A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"
P.l.a.n.e.
Precious lord, are nonbelievers evil?
First bite: Oh my God!
Second bite: Oh my, God!
You'd think the Catholic Church would be in favor of condoms... less DNA evidence.
My name is Jafar. I come from afar. There's a bomb in my car. Allahu Akbar!
Why does an orphan go to church?
So it has someone to call father.
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
What did Mother Mary say when God farted? Jesus Christ, you stink!
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
What do they use in communion when they run out of bread?
Doughnuts, because they're holy.
I'm Pastor Moe Mister, Moe Lester.
Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.
I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.
Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.
What’s the difference between an Indian and Jewish person?
An Indian person is burnt after death.