Religion jokes

What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?

"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"

Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"

"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."

Lucifer's so broke he can't even afford air conditioning units.

What's something you can say in church and while having sex?

I come in the name of the Lord.

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.

How do you know you’re at a gay church?

Half the congregation is kneeling.

I dated an Indian girl for about six months. She was always Sikhing attention.

When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.

It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.

A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"

Confucius say, "Man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew."

Why did he die?

Because God made a mistake and pressed Ctrl+Z.

Why is Christianity the most dramatic religion?

Because other religions say, "Do, do, do."

But Christianity says, "Done, done, done!"

How many heterosexual men does it take to change a lightbulb in heaven?

Both of them.

What did the priest say to the Muslim? Wazza!

I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"

I said, "Making holy water."

She said, "How are you making holy water?"

I'm boiling the hell out of it.

A true God would be godless himself.

What did God say to the black person?

"Oops, I burned one."😳

Not racist, just funny.