Religion jokes
Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"
"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."
Lucifer's so broke he can't even afford air conditioning units.
What's something you can say in church and while having sex?
I come in the name of the Lord.
Memes
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
How do you know you’re at a gay church?
Half the congregation is kneeling.
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
Confucius say, "Man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew."
Why did he die?
Because God made a mistake and pressed Ctrl+Z.
Why is Christianity the most dramatic religion?
Because other religions say, "Do, do, do."
But Christianity says, "Done, done, done!"
How many heterosexual men does it take to change a lightbulb in heaven?
Both of them.
What did the priest say to the Muslim? Wazza!
I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"
I said, "Making holy water."
She said, "How are you making holy water?"
I'm boiling the hell out of it.
A true God would be godless himself.
What did God say to the black person?
"Oops, I burned one."😳
Not racist, just funny.
How do you kill a Hindu? PRESS THE RED BUTTON.
Why did the priest buy a clown suit?
Because the old one had blood all over it.
An American walks into an Afghan bar. Joke, Afghanistan doesn't have bars because of the Taliban.