Religion jokes

The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day.

He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation.

What do a priest and Christmas tree lights have in common?

They can both flash.

Why did Jesus play football?

He was Spanish, ayo.

Jesus was the one who created the T pose, not Fortnite.

I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.

God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.

Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.

What Disney movie does the church make little girls watch?

Snow White and the Seven Deadly Sins.

I dated an Indian girl for about six months. She was always Sikhing attention.

"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."

Lucifer's so broke he can't even afford air conditioning units.

Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"

Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.

I made a deal with Satan. I would get a free pass to hell if I serve as a demon lord. So, see you guys at the end of times!

If a Muslim loses his Faith... Does he throw in the Towel?

Adam and Eve had 3 male children, the only children on Earth. How did they reproduce?

People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable, even God himself couldn’t destroy it.

God: Ok, bet, where’s my icebergs?

I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.

How do you know you’re at a gay church?

Half the congregation is kneeling.

What's something you can say in church and while having sex?

I come in the name of the Lord.