Religion jokes

Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."

Lucifer's so broke he can't even afford air conditioning units.

"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"

I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.

Where do babies get baptized?

So the priest can wash their sex toys.

How do you know you’re at a gay church?

Half the congregation is kneeling.

What Disney movie does the church make little girls watch?

Snow White and the Seven Deadly Sins.

I dated an Indian girl for about six months. She was always Sikhing attention.

What's something you can say in church and while having sex?

I come in the name of the Lord.

People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable, even God himself couldn’t destroy it.

God: Ok, bet, where’s my icebergs?

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...

What's the opposite of an exorcism?

When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...

Adam and Eve had 3 male children, the only children on Earth. How did they reproduce?

So can we agree that Jesus was the first victim of cancel culture?

I made a deal with Satan. I would get a free pass to hell if I serve as a demon lord. So, see you guys at the end of times!

If a Muslim loses his Faith... Does he throw in the Towel?

I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.

God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.

Orphan's prayer: In the name of the Father, The Son, The Holy Spirit. Amen.