Religion jokes
How do you know Adam and Eve were white?
Have you ever tried taking a rib from black women?
What is God's favorite planet?
Saturn because it has a ring around it.
How bad is explosive diarrhea when a Muslim has it? Because my Chipotle blew up yesterday.
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
What does the Catholic Church and Worstjokesever.com have in common?
They're both full of child groomers.
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
Lucifer's so broke he can't even afford air conditioning units.
All the Muslims are pissed off because 24 hours after Chuck Norris went to heaven there were no more virgins left.
Nothing is funny about the Name who died an agonizing death, was mocked, spit on, and humiliated all because we were sinners and God saved us so we could be free from the punishment of sin.
Jesus is sinless and perfect and loving. How dare you!
I think that church is super burning 🥵.
Jesus is a rock music fan.
Because he likes Nine Inch Nails.
What's the difference between acne and the Pope?
Acne waits till you're 13 to cum on your face.
Do you have a halo?
'Cause I can give it to you.
Why did the bodybuilder go to the crustacean church?
Because it was a good source of mussel mass!
For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.
Bin Laden promised 76 virgins to Al-Qaeda.
Instead, there was one 76-year-old virgin.
What did one God say to the other?
"I will die to be a man."
What do you call a Muslim sleepover?
Osamas in Pajamas.
In the Bible, it says Jesus died for our sins, but he came back to life, so what did he sacrifice?
Was it a weekend to wash away our sins?
Why do priests appreciate educated children?
They don't spit.