Religion jokes

The Virgin Mary wasn't a virgin; she was a prostitute. God raped her.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile? There isn't a difference.

What did Mother Mary say when God farted? Jesus Christ, you stink!

So can we agree that Jesus was the first victim of cancel culture?

I made a deal with Satan. I would get a free pass to hell if I serve as a demon lord. So, see you guys at the end of times!

People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable, even God himself couldn’t destroy it.

God: Ok, bet, where’s my icebergs?

My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...

What's the opposite of an exorcism?

When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...

I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.

I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.

Adam and Eve had 3 male children, the only children on Earth. How did they reproduce?

A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.

What kind of book does cheese read at a church?

The Hole-y Bible.

Why do orphans love going to church?

Because they can call someone "father."

Why do orphans go to church?

Because they have someone to call "Father."

Jesus is the worst, just joking; he is the best! Best best BFF great guy ever that has a miracle. Jesus comes from Bethlehem! 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😇

A priest and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

Why does an orphan go to church?

So it has someone to call father.

Sister: Why does shampoo have directions?

Me: 'Cause God made you.

Why can’t an orphan go to a youth church? Because they need a parent to pick them up.