Religion jokes
If Jesus told you to trust everyone, that must be why there are a lot of kidnappings.
My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"
What's the opposite of an exorcism?
When Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child...
Why do orphans pray to God?
So they have someone to call father.
Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.
Q. Why can't Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
A. He can't get his wheelchair up the stairs.
Why does Satan worship himself?
Jesus told him to worship God.
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
What do you call a Muslim guy in a bathtub?
A bath bomb 💣
What do you call the day before Christmas Eve? Christmas Adam.
Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.
Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."
Bust it open for Jesus!
Hey guys! Want to know something cool? Google Jesus' language. It's Aramaic.
Next, google "God in Aramaic". See the results for yourself. <3
Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.
And the children of Israel wandered round the desert for 40 years, until eventually Moses' wife said, "Are you going to ask for directions, or what?"
What do McDonald's and priests have in common?
They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
Why does an orphan go to church?
So they can call someone "father."
Your mama is so ugly.
The Buddhist monks broke their vow of silence.