Religion jokes
How do the men with bisexual tendencies that are members in the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses have sex with other men without being disfellowshiped in the Jehovah's Witnesses Church?
Anonymous sex at a glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar.
Last night I was watching a Scotland Christmas movie...
And the part when Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, Joseph was surprised, and he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!!" I immediately stopped watching and changed the channel.
What do you call a fat woman that prays?
A holy cow.
A man sacrificed children who played Roblox, so when someone knocked on the door, they said, "An administrator has banned you from heaven!"
What's the difference between a zit and a Catholic priest?
A zit will wait 'til 12 before it cums on your face.
For some unexplainable reason I instantly though “hmm this sounds like something for dagger”
How does Moses make his tea?
He Brews!!!
A Christian, a Jew, and a Catholic walk into a bar. The Christian says, “Where’s Mohammed?”
Jesus can’t judge gay people, because he got nailed before he died.
What did the terrorist say to the 72 virgins?
"Just so you know, 5 inches is REALLY big!"
What do angels serve at birthday parties in Heaven?
Angel food cake! 🎂🥳
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.
On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"
Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"
Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"
What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?
The priest stopped him on the way there.
Why did Steven Hawkins go to hell?
Because he couldn't walk the stairs to heaven.
People in 1 Ad: I bet we will have the best technology ever in 2023.
2023: GO BACK NOW! THERE'S 50 THOUSAND GENDERS, DUMB GEN Z, TIK TOK, WE NEED JESUS!
How do get a nun pregnant? Fuck her!
A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"
And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
Why are Demons dying from Priestwater? The soul from a Priest is completely different.
Why does Satan worship himself?
Jesus told him to worship God.
Q: What do you call a nun in a pool? A: A bath bomb.