Religion jokes
Did Jesus die virgin? Nope, he got nailed before he died.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
Stephen Hawking said God isn’t real, and the Priest put a boot on his tire. 😂😂😂
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"
It took Jesus 3 days to respond.
Worst lag ever!
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)
Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.
Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.
Ganesha is an elephant.
So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.
The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"
How does Moses brew his coffee?
He brews it.
What does a child molester and a Catholic priest have in common? They both prey at church.
My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."
The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.
The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.
Why did Jesus come back from the dead? He forgot to tell you that you're gay!
Your hairline is so far back it was back on before Jesus Christ was born.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because there they have a father.
Nun's worst holiday? Norfolk.
Nun's best holiday? Bangkok.
You're so short that I had to ask God why he made you short-ass toothpick legs.