Religion jokes
What did the orphans do when the bombs drop?
They said, "Allahu Akbar."
What do you call a priest who became a singer?
Michael Jackson.
Bob: Siri, call 666!
*dialing noises*
Bob: Hello?
Bob's dad: Hi!
I have a confession. I used to be a Christian.
Don’t bother me none, babe!
Awesome! I much prefer being a Christine!
“Hol up”
Why did the Polish Roman Catholic priest remove zippers from the pants of gay men in the LGBT community?
Because he lost his key to his house and he was desperate to get back inside of his house and he thought that one of keys to their zippers would be able to unlock the door of his house.
Did Jesus die virgin? Nope, he got nailed before he died.
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"
It took Jesus 3 days to respond.
Worst lag ever!
Stephen Hawking said God isn’t real, and the Priest put a boot on his tire. 😂😂😂
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)
Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.
Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.
What is the definition of suspicion? A: A nun doing squats in a cucumber field.
Do y'all love Jesus, God? 🙏❤️
What do you call someone who is half a Jew?
Jew-ish.
Do you want to give your life to God and be in Heaven?
What’s the difference between God and Hitler?
God made thousands of bread, Hitler made thousands of toast.
If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:
So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.