Religion jokes

Why do orphans go to church?

Because there they have a father.

Need an arch? I Noah guy.

According to Christianity, Jesus is the son of a GODFATHER.

What did Satin say to God??

"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"

Why do orphans love church?

They finally have a father.

Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?

It's when the demon tells the priest to exit the child's body.

My dad died in 9/11. I'll always remember his last words:

Allah hu akbar.

I'm still wondering who took Jesus' sandals.

Even the one who ate that dove that sat at Jesus' shoulder. 🤔

Why did Jesus come back from the dead? He forgot to tell you that you're gay!

Two nuns in a bathtub.

One nun asks, "Where's the soap?"

The other nun says, "It sure does."

My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."

The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.

The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.

Ganesha is an elephant.

What does a child molester and a Catholic priest have in common? They both prey at church.

I’m rather relaxed about death.

From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

Yo mama so fat, she had to get baptized in the ocean.

If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?

When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"

When God had to take a shit from making a good wife, you pasted between his ass cheeks...

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.