Religion jokes
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.
The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"
And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.
Why don't the Amish water ski?
The horses would drown.
Where do terrorists go for a drink?
At the Allahu-ak Bar.
"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"
How do you know you've found a priest? When little Timmy is glued to his crotch.
I am starting a frog cult now!
Why do Roman Catholics always call their minister father?
because Roman Catholic men between 18-29 years old received a free anonymous blowjob inside the confessional booth at the glory hole.
Why do orphans like going to church?
They can actually call someone "father."
What does the Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler television ad have in common with ministers who are white Christian nationalists?
They both thank you for your financial support.
What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.
Q: What do nuns and bathrooms have in common?
A: They both have glory holes for pleasing.
This isn't a joke.
There was a homeless family in need of a room, but the guy said no more rooms because they were homeless. So, they got into a barn, and the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, that little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.
JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!
Jesus can’t judge gay people, because he got nailed before he died.
What is different about priests and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to cum on your face.
I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are through the roof!
Why did Steven Hawking's snot not go to heaven?
Because there is no ramp to heaven.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Why did a minister who is a Christian nationalist and a bisexual man give anonymous blowjobs to physically handicapped gay men under the handicapped stalls inside the men's restrooms at a rest area?
He wanted to eat footlong hotdogs for lunch at the rest area, but he wanted a sample first (taster).