Religion jokes
Did Jesus die virgin? Nope, he got nailed before he died.
What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?
One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.
How do angels 😇 make holy water 💧?
They boil the hell out of it.
Why do orphans like to go to church?
It is the only place where they can call a father.
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of him?
Well, it only takes one nail.
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Did you know that...the only reason you don't call priests "daddy" is because that's what you call them in sex!
Your mommy.
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.
Q. Why can't Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
A. He can't get his wheelchair up the stairs.
Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?
A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.
I think God is cool with abortion.
After all, he did kill his only son.
I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.
The priest is in jail now.
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.
What is humble, holy, and helps?
An angle...
Why does former president Donald J. Trump still want the Mexican government to help him to build a wall to keep them out because he is a Christian nationalist on steroids?
How do we get a butt? God made us like that, and we can't change it. If you wanted to, you have to die <:
You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?
You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.
Stephen Hawking couldn't make it to Heaven because there were stairs, so he rolled down to Hell.
Hey kids, are you ready for Faptisim?
They don't call priests "daddy," they call me daddy.