Religion jokes
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*
The Christian, the Buddhist, and the Muslim each go on a separate plane.
The Christian's and the Buddhist's flight goes well, but the Muslim's plane has a problem and crashes into two towers.
My dad died in 9/11. I'll always remember his last words:
Allah hu akbar.
My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."
Two nuns in a bathtub.
One nun asks, "Where's the soap?"
The other nun says, "It sure does."
Memes
So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.
The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"
Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?
It's when the demon tells the priest to exit the child's body.
According to Christianity, Jesus is the son of a GODFATHER.
What did Satin say to God??
"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"
What does a child molester and a Catholic priest have in common? They both prey at church.
Why do orphans love church?
They finally have a father.
When you go to the priest's basement, you will always find the pope's body and his children in the corner of the room.
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning building.
Priest: What about the children, Rabbi?
Rabbi: Fuck the children!
Priest: Do we have time?
If orphans aren’t religious, they really have no father. 😂
Why do orphans go to church so they can call someone "father?"
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.
God being a sniper is so fun!
The bird was trying to cross the road because there was a church, but instead, the birds chirp chirp chirp, "Let's go to church!"
Do y'all love Jesus, God? 🙏❤️
God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:
God: No, I don’t want to.
What’s the difference between God and Hitler?
God made thousands of bread, Hitler made thousands of toast.