Religion jokes
My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."
Two nuns in a bathtub.
One nun asks, "Where's the soap?"
The other nun says, "It sure does."
So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.
The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"
Do you know what a reverse exorcism is?
It's when the demon tells the priest to exit the child's body.
According to Christianity, Jesus is the son of a GODFATHER.
What did Satin say to God??
"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"
What does a child molester and a Catholic priest have in common? They both prey at church.
Why do orphans love church?
They finally have a father.
When you go to the priest's basement, you will always find the pope's body and his children in the corner of the room.
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning building.
Priest: What about the children, Rabbi?
Rabbi: Fuck the children!
Priest: Do we have time?
If orphans aren’t religious, they really have no father. 😂
Why do orphans go to church so they can call someone "father?"
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.
God being a sniper is so fun!
The bird was trying to cross the road because there was a church, but instead, the birds chirp chirp chirp, "Let's go to church!"
Do y'all love Jesus, God? 🙏❤️
God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:
God: No, I don’t want to.
What’s the difference between God and Hitler?
God made thousands of bread, Hitler made thousands of toast.
Do you want to give your life to God and be in Heaven?
What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?
"Let us pray."
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.