Religion jokes
What's the definition of suspicious?...
A nun doing sit-ups in a cucumber field. 💀
A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said, "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there," the boy replied.
The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked, "Do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" The boy replied, "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing," said the pharmacist.
That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. The girl's father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "You never told me that you were so religious." The boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist."
You're so fat, you lasted a whole year on the cross just off of your fat.
Why are Muslims terrible at football?
Because every time they have a corner, they build a shop.
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!
You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.
Bust it open for Jesus!
Ashes to ashes, priests prefer boys, 'cause they don't have to shave their asses.
Your hairline is so far back that not even God knows about it.
If orphans aren’t religious, they really have no father. 😂
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.
At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
Two nuns in a bath.
There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.
Your mama is so old, her first Christmas, she was a Wiseman's +1.
I think that church is boring.
Man 1: Why don’t we just put all the debt in the world on one man, then kill him?
Man 2: We tried that once. It started a cult.
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
What do a priest and a pedo have in common?
Nothing, they both like kids.
Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?
For the same reason a ship won't stay afloat with holes in the bottom.