Religion jokes

An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.

The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"

And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile.

Hey kids, are you ready for Faptisim?

POV: You are a passenger on September 11th, 2001, and you see the pilots wearing a Muslim turban.

Where do terrorists go for a drink?

At the Allahu-ak Bar.

What did the racist Catholic priest say?

"Martin Luther? Not my king!"

Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?

Q: What do you call two nuns watching television?

A: Not very interesting.

When someone got the ghost in them, sound in the Priest Busters.

When something strange and it ain't no who you gonna call? Priest Busters.

What is the difference between the subway guy and a priest?

The subway guy didn’t get away with it...

I thank God that I'm not as ugly as you.

What is Satan's way to go to places? A helicopter.

What do you get when you cross a fat christian nationalist that is heteroflexable, a christian nationalist politician who is also a born again christian, a conservative republican that has a small penis, and a tv evangelist on steroids?

What is another name 🤔 for Holy water 💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧 💧💧💧💧💧💧💧💧 🚽 toilet water.

Belief in Egyptian gods is just Ra-ng (wrong). 😁

What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.

Why didn’t Steven Hawking go to heaven? Because it was a stairway, not a rampway.

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.

What do you call a priest that is a furry?

A Catholic.

What do you call a cross between a priest and a child?

The cross shoved up the priest’s ass as he ‘downward dogs’ the kid.