Religion jokes
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.
Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.
A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.
My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.
They were both druids.
Do you have a halo?
'Cause I can give it to you.
Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
ICH BIN GOTT.
What did the Buddhist say to the pizza delivery boy?
"Make me one with everything."
Why did Catholic women stop going to church?
Because it takes Jesus three days to rise.
"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
What does a priest and Christmas tree have in common? The balls are just for decoration.
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
They say you should love your neighbor. Does that mean I have to love the president?
How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?
That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!
How do you know Adam and Eve were white?
Have you ever tried taking a rib from black women?
Did you hear about the streaker in church? He was caught by the organ.
What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One kneels for salvation.
The other kneels with salivation.
What is the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One reads, the other breeds.
What's the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One is glowing and the other is blowing.
Yo mama so fat that she would die before reaching the gates of heaven.