Religion jokes
How did Mary get pregnant with baby Jesus?
God fucked her.
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."
There's no smoke or fire without a Muslim.
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
God's consciousness: Art.
God's unconsciousness: Christianity.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?
The devil always has horns... not just around children.
What does Amogus and Jesus have in common?
They're sus.
What's the difference between a mole and a priest?
One will till your 13 to put hairs on your face.
The bird was trying to cross the road because there was a church, but instead, the birds chirp chirp chirp, "Let's go to church!"
Going to church, you don't think you are Christian.
Sleeping with ten men, you don't think you are straight.
Steven Hawking said there is no God,
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.
Orthodox Christians are a little slow; they take 13 days to get the joke. So go easy on them, alright?
Why is Christianity the most dramatic religion?
Because other religions say, "Do, do, do."
But Christianity says, "Done, done, done!"
Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
Bull In Book Lacking Evidence
Yo mama so OLD...
Her first Christmas... WAS the FIRST CHRISTMAS!
God: Who ever kills Hitler will go to heaven.
Hitler: 👌👌👌👌
God: 😩😩😩😩
What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.
People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable, even God himself couldn’t destroy it.
God: Ok, bet, where’s my icebergs?
So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."