Religion jokes
What did the priest say to the Muslim? Wazza!
What do you call a reverse exorcism?
It's where a demon pulls a priest out of a child.
I met a man named Jebidiah on Xbox Live.
What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?
They fight and... You know the rest.
Why is a nun called a nun?
'Cause they ain't supposed to get none ;)
Why do I call my priest daddy?
Because he raped my mom when she was 13. She's 27 now.
What's the difference between acne and a priest?
Acne waits until a boy is 13 before it comes onto his face.
You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.
Why do Catholic priests suck on the cock of a young boy in his parish?
Because it tastes like a Vienna sausage.
Bible Verse of The Day - For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.
—Romans 8:15-16
Adam and Eve were sitting on the beach one day, and Eve says to Adam, "Let's go for a swim." Adam replies, "I'm not in the mood."
She says, "Okay, I will go by myself." She puts her toes in the water and splashes around and says, "The water is beautiful, come in!" Adam replies, "Na, still not in the mood."
Eve wades into the water until she gets to her waist. Adam jumps up and yells at Eve standing waist deep and says, "Oh no, now all the fish are gonna smell like that!"
If I looked like Stephen Hawking, I would also be an atheist.
I got a joke.
Allahu Akbar!
Why are people mad at me? All I did was tell the truth and put the Bible in the fiction section of the library.
Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?
He wanted to be able to finger A minor.
Why do Catholic Irishmen in Ireland have a glory hole in the men's restroom inside their restaurants so they can give Irish kisses on Saint Patrick's Day?
What's the difference between ICE and ISIS?
One of them says their prayers five times a day.
Little Jonny Bad Ass was sitting on a porch one day, and a preacher was in the house. Little Jonny Bad Ass had to use the bathroom, so he bangs on the door saying, "Mom, I have to use the bathroom!" His mom says wait. So Little Jonny Bad Ass saw a hat on the step. He looks around, pulls his pants down, and shits in the hat.
A few later, the preacher comes out and says, "I see you have my hat!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Yeah, I caught the world's fastest bird!" The preacher says, "Well, let me see him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "No, I don't know." Well, the preacher says, "I'll put my hands by the hat, you lift, and I'll catch him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass lifted the hat and the preacher clapped his hands, and Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Now see the bird don't shit," and ran.
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
What is the difference between whores and nuns?
Nuns usually discover their own chosen vocation. Whores usually have their vocation chosen by pimps.