Religion jokes
Why can orphans convert to Catholicism? Because Catholics believe in no sex before marriage.
POV: When the orphan kid goes to church and they have to swear on something.
The kid: "I swear on my... friends. Oh wait, I don't have any."
How do you kill a Catholic?
Crucify them...
Why are Republicans supporting giving felons the right to vote?
Because their own personal jeebus is a felon!
My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a beer.
Same person.
When is a priest's best compromise?
A failed Baptism.
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."
Women have so much evil in their blood that God has to drain it once a month. Hehehehehe
My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.
If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.
How did Protestants perform in the 16th century? Well done.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
Islamist guys and American Christian right-wing guys are both similar in that both abhor the existence of gay people, but only the Christian Right loves to eat sausages, especially the little ones, if you know what I mean...
If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?
How do you know you’re at a gay church?
Half the congregation is kneeling.
When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"
Why does Satan worship himself?
Jesus told him to worship God.
What do priests and McDonald's have in common? They both like putting their meat in between 5-year-old buns.
Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"