Religion jokes

What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?

5% of atheists have seen a ghost.

5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.

Why did Jesus die at the diving Olympics? Because he can't go through water.

A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.

When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!

The dear God created the man.

Then he created woman.

When he then saw what he had done, he took care of tobacco and alcohol.

Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?

God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!

"Nun" means no one likes them. Just take off that dumb hood!

I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.

What do you call a priest that likes juice?

A Capriest Sun.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?

The devil always has horns... not just around children.

Poultry rape is no joke. It is God's gift to those who want a laugh.

Where do terrorists go for food? The Allah snack bar.

Why [does] a tranny say "Have a good day" to a Jew?

He [is a] goy.

What's the difference between a casino and a church?

You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.

What’s black and white and red all over?

A crushed nun!

What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?

Slow natives.

"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.

But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?

He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.

Yo mama so fat that she would die before reaching the gates of heaven.

Yo mama so fat, she the reason why Moses split the Red Sea.

Reverend Mother walks into the convent and announces:

"Sisters, our carrots have been delivered!"

Nuns exclaim: "Hurray! Carrots!"

Reverend Mother: "They are grated carrots, though."

Nuns: "Ugh! No, thank you then..."

What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?

One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.