Religion jokes
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down.
Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.
And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.
A 17 year old pregnant Juanita flew all the way to NY from TX to get an abortion. Initially, she was denied the procedure because she wasn't COVID boosted, but after she explained the father was religious and wanted to be involved, they quickly resolved the threat.
Q: What did Jesus say when he got nailed to the cross?
A: Owwww!!!!!
What if death is hell because there is no bridge to heaven?
What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?
"Let us pray."
There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.
The Demon when it gets summoned to earth only to find out it was a spelling mistake in Latin class. 😬
Why did the child die? To see God, our father.
When someone says, "Jesus," I say, "Bitch, where?"
What is an Italian massage?
An Italian Catholic priest giving a blowjob inside the confessional booth during Lent.
How do we get a butt? God made us like that, and we can't change it. If you wanted to, you have to die <:
Is that my student?
Na! It is Jesus!
Why did you always see Michael Jackson wearing two white gloves?
Because masturbation is against Michael Jackson's religious beliefs.
Your momma is so old she has been a waitress at the last supper.
Did you hear about the gay choirboy?
He choked on his first hymn.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.