Religion jokes

This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.

(Do you get the joke?)

(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)

A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone, and the nun says, "Yes, a fucking hot girl!"

There are Three Sons: Journey, Korean, and Little Joe. They were trapped on a floating island, and a priest gave them each one wish.

The first son wished to go back to the ground. The Second Son wished to go back to the ground. The third son was lonely and wished for his two brothers to come back to the floating island.

Why do orphans go to church?

Because they can call someone "father."

How do you get a nun pregnant?

You dress her up as an altar boy.

God: (creating elephants) Make it big.

Angel: How big?

God: As big as my d--

Angel: Whoa!

God: Fine, 10 feet tall.

Angel: That's big bu--

God: Put a long thing on its face.

I don't get it.

Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".

What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?

A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.

What do a Catholic priest and an Olympic silver medalist have in common? A: They both come in a little behind.

How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.

Why does an orphan go to church?

So it has someone to call father.

My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.

Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.

Lettuce pray.

So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."

I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.

The only difference between you and Jesus is that Jesus believed in himself.

What's black and white, black and white, black and white...?

A dead nun rolling down a hill.

I have a nun joke! It is nun-ya business!!! Ha!!! Ha!!! Ha!!! Ha!!! 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

What did the Buddhist say to the pizza delivery boy?

"Make me one with everything."

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.