Religion jokes
Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
You can hang the picture with one nail.
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
What is Jesus's favorite exercise?
Cross Fit.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
Why did Michael Jackson like having little boys round him? He was studying for the priesthood.
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.
So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
Why does the Catholic Church have a glory hole inside the confessional booth?
So a priest can give an anonymous blowjob to another bisexual man, or a gay man, or a heterosexual man that has a big dick after the priest hears their confession.
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
A pastor asked his child what his favorite bible verse was... He responded, "Keep watch," because he wanted a watch.
What do you call a pansexual pedophile? Jesus.
What do you get when you cross a fat christian nationalist that is heteroflexable, a christian nationalist politician who is also a born again christian, a conservative republican that has a small penis, and a tv evangelist on steroids?
My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.
This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"
God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."
Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"
Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"
Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"
Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.
In Denver, the members of a Sunday-school class were asked to set down their favorite biblical truths.
One youngster laboriously printed: “Do one to others as others do one to you.” —Lee Olson, The Denver Post
I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.
God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.
Why is "T" well-respected, but more in its lowercase form?
It crossed the line with Jesus.
Did you know that...the only reason you don't call priests "daddy" is because that's what you call them in sex!
Your mommy.