Religion jokes

So I went to the gym and I found a hymn.

What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?

A holy CUMmunion.

You should always wash your sex toys. That’s why priests invented baptism.

What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?

5% of atheists have seen a ghost.

5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.

What do you call a priest that likes juice?

A Capriest Sun.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?

The devil always has horns... not just around children.

Your mama is so ugly.

The Buddhist monks broke their vow of silence.

Your mama is so fat, even God couldn't raise her spirit.

God, you’re having a good day?

Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.

What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of him?

Well, it only takes one nail.

What is a similarity between priests and doctors?

They both have fetishes for their professions.

Allah akbar.

I love bread so much that I might join a bread cult.

God: I feel like I'm forgetting something... oh no, Earth! *sees it on fire* Oh, it's fine.

People of Earth: *running and screaming*

Santen: *to God* Really?

What happens at the orphanage be like:

The orphans: “HE IS THE MESSIAH!”

I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.

Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.

What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?

When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.

What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.

Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!

The priest had a very holy shirt.