Religion jokes
Some of you need to go to church. I don't want you in hell with me.
What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?
When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.
What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.
Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!
How does Moses brew his coffee?
He brews it.
Memes
My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.
They were both druids.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
What happens at the orphanage be like:
The orphans: “HE IS THE MESSIAH!”
Yo mama so ugly, when she go to church they say it's a demon!
For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.
What games do monks play a lot?
Among Us.
A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.
Why do orphans like going to church?
Because they actually get to say "father" for once.
Do you have a halo?
'Cause I can give it to you.
Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
What do you call an Islamic LGBT member? A Gaylism.
Why did the orphans go to the church?
Because they need someone to call "father."
What does a priest and Christmas tree have in common? The balls are just for decoration.
How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?
That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!
How do you know Adam and Eve were white?
Have you ever tried taking a rib from black women?