Religion jokes
Jesus has had all the time in the world and all the power in the world to do whatever he wanted.
Guess what he has to show for nothing, but putting us in hell!
Being an absolute waste breathe of life, and of power!
What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?
"We need to circumcise that one."
The priest is gay.
What did Satin say to God??
"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"
A Jew and a Jew walk into a bar. The goy says, "What do you want?" The first Jew says, "Give it alcohol." The second Jew says, "My son ran away and became Christian." Another Jew pipes in, he says, "My son too!" The bartender turns around and says, "You're not going to believe this..."
What’s the difference between a nun and a hooker?
One kneels for salvation.
The other kneels with salivation.
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
It’s Christmas. Merry Christmin. Merry Chrirismas. Merry Chrisis. Merry Chrsyler.
Pastor: I don’t normally swear, but tonight I am going to, just for the halibut!
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?
He didn't give me any.
I was made by the Devil.
Why did Jesus play football?
He was Spanish, ayo.
The reason why God and Jesus have eternal life and the power, aka (holy spirit) is to control us, take our free will, and our eternal life, which is our heaven. Our time!
Just to show up, in the nick of time for the second coming in full costume ready to judge us. Them spending a lifetime preparing their big speech, their excuse of them hiding this whole time.
Lol, Surprise!
Joke being on them.
As we all stand there and are there to judge them, doing what they said they were made for.
Taking our eternal life back from Satan and the Devil and sending them to their home they created themselves!
HELL!
P.S. With a little extra punishments!
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
How does Moses make his cup of tea?
He brews it.
Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!
What do fat demons hate? Exorcise.
A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."
The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."
Why did the orphan go to church?
So they had someone to call Father.
I think that church is super burning 🥵.