Religion jokes

What happens at the orphanage be like:

The orphans: “HE IS THE MESSIAH!”

For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.

Hi! Could I join?

What is a similarity between priests and doctors?

They both have fetishes for their professions.

What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of him?

Well, it only takes one nail.

Allah akbar.

I love bread so much that I might join a bread cult.

I am sure this was the type of economy Judas Iscariot was in when he betrayed Jesus.

God: I feel like I'm forgetting something... oh no, Earth! *sees it on fire* Oh, it's fine.

People of Earth: *running and screaming*

Santen: *to God* Really?

Your hairline is so far away that Jesus could've seen it when he was on the cross.

What does the Catholic Church and Worstjokesever.com have in common?

They're both full of child groomers.

If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.

Q: What do Satan and a priest have in common?

A: They both love naughty souls.

I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.

Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.

What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.

A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.

They were both druids.

How does Moses brew his coffee?

He brews it.

Why did the orphans go to the church?

Because they need someone to call "father."

THERE IS NO AFTERLIFE.