Religion jokes
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
What does a priest and Christmas tree have in common? The balls are just for decoration.
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
They say you should love your neighbor. Does that mean I have to love the president?
So I went to the gym and I found a hymn.
Memes
What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?
A holy CUMmunion.
You should always wash your sex toys. That’s why priests invented baptism.
What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?
5% of atheists have seen a ghost.
5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.
What do you call a priest that likes juice?
A Capriest Sun.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?
The devil always has horns... not just around children.
Your mama is so ugly.
The Buddhist monks broke their vow of silence.
Your mama is so fat, even God couldn't raise her spirit.
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of him?
Well, it only takes one nail.
What is a similarity between priests and doctors?
They both have fetishes for their professions.
Allah akbar.
I love bread so much that I might join a bread cult.
God: I feel like I'm forgetting something... oh no, Earth! *sees it on fire* Oh, it's fine.
People of Earth: *running and screaming*
Santen: *to God* Really?
What happens at the orphanage be like:
The orphans: “HE IS THE MESSIAH!”
I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.
Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.