Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?
Heaven always has 5-star reviews.
Religion Jokes
You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.
Devil: Hey angel.
Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?
Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?
Angel: What?
Devil: Angelpinos!
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
What is Jesus’s Favorite Exercise?
CrossFit.
What do McDonald's and priests have in common?
They both shove their meat into 10-year-old buns.
Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.
There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.
Q: What do Moses and hookers have in common?
A: They've dealt with a burning bush.
Has anyone alive ever died?
Is this our eternal life?
I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
God = what I hope to be.
Devil = what I can't accept.
I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.
You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.
Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
What did one God say to the other?
"I will die to be a man."
If I teach man he is the fish I caught, will I no longer be a fisher of men?
Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.
