Religion jokes
A girl goes to a Church to confess.
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
(after a few minutes)
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father, he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
What to gift a child molester who already has everything? A bigger county with more believers.
What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.
Jesus is a rock music fan.
Because he likes Nine Inch Nails.
When someone says, "Jesus," I say, "Bitch, where?"
Memes
Adam and Eve had sex. It was paradise.
What’s my favorite Islamic Holiday... 9/11.
What's white and black and red all over? A nun that fell down stairs.
What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?
You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One is for Sunday morning, and one is for Sunday night.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
Why does Saturn have a ring?
Because God liked it, so he put a ring on it.
Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?
Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.
Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.
What's the slogan for a Muslim gym?
Might in dynamite.
Why do orphans like to go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?
Q: Why can’t Jesus make fun of gay people?
A: He got nailed first.