Religion jokes
Why do orphans like to go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
If you're bored, punch an orphan in the face. What is he gonna do, tell his parents?
Hi! Could I join?
Why is the elephant headed God the true God?
Because he doesn't exist!
The dear God created the man.
Then he created woman.
When he then saw what he had done, he took care of tobacco and alcohol.
What does Amogus and Jesus have in common?
They're sus.
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.
I am starting a frog cult now!
Why do orphans like going to church?
Because they actually get to say "father" for once.
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?
Where do babies get baptized?
So the priest can wash their sex toys.
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.
Lettuce pray.
God loved you so much that He gave you one face and started clearing off a place for another.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he could call someone Father.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So that they had someone to call father.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture.
Why do orphans go to church?
They go there to finally call someone "father."
What is God’s favorite candy?
Jesus Pieces.