Religion jokes
Your mama is so old, her first Christmas, she was a Wiseman's +1.
Has anyone alive ever died?
Is this our eternal life?
ICH BIN GOTT.
You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.
You are so ugly, when the devil saw you, he said, "Jesus Christ!"
Dear explain bear, so please don’t say anything rude please, but what do you think about Christianity. I do not mean to ask questions
A bat mitzvah for sheep is a baaaaaat mitzvah!
For his sake, I hope that heaven is wheelchair accessible...
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
Where do babies get baptized?
So the priest can wash their sex toys.
What did one God say to the other?
"I will die to be a man."
Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?
What do you call a priest who became a singer?
Michael Jackson.
Why can’t an orphan go to a youth church? Because they need a parent to pick them up.
So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.
The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.
What's Christian and holey?
JFK.
What is God's favorite planet?
Saturn because it has a ring around it.
You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.
How do you play chess with a Catholic?
You put a condom on the bishop.
If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."