Religion jokes
You are family.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.
Jesus was the one who created the T pose, not Fortnite.
God is good. God is great.
Yo mama so old, she pre-ordered the Bible.
What do you call a Christian Asian?
Hao Li.
Me: Hey, do you wanna hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: Why don't churches have WiFi?
Friend: Why?
Me: They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?
I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.
What is the definition of suspicion? A: A nun doing squats in a cucumber field.
You're so ugly that every time you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."
Gwen is a liar. She said she is a Christian and then is saying bad, bad, bad, bad words. Shame on you, Gwen, LIAR!
It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!
What do Jesus and a painting have in common?
They hang by nails.
What's the difference between Jesus and a holy whore?
Jesus got pegged against a cross.
A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.
When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"
The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.
Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"
God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"
Why did Steven Hawkins go to hell?
Because he couldn't walk the stairs to heaven.
What is Satan's way to go to places? A helicopter.
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
The Bible said, "Adam and Eve..." So I did both.
What did the black kid say when he went to the confession booth?
"Daddy?"