Religion jokes
Q: What is the difference between Austin Matthews and a priest?
A: One looks like a pedophile and one is a pedophile.
Man 1: Why don’t we just put all the debt in the world on one man, then kill him?
Man 2: We tried that once. It started a cult.
If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.
I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.
It was a touching story.
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
Nunchucks!
One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.
Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.
So I treat everyone like garbage.
What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?
Father Les.
"Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death"?
Maybe in infidel America but.... it is #1 in the Glorious Iran.
🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷
Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"
I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are through the roof!
Why are Egyptian gods orphans?
Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a new bus) every year to make a prophet.
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Nah, he got nailed...
The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
Like this if you laughed.
These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back. (Clearly someone didn't come back with the milk)
Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
Hope you had fun reading this! My friend and I laughed reading all of em!
Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.