Religion jokes
A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid."
The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what?"
The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them, "Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"
My dad died in 9/11. I'll always remember his last words:
Allah hu akbar.
What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.
So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Golly.
Golly who?
Godly leave me alone!
For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.
Why do animators like Christianity?
Because Jesus was the one who invented T-Pose.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture, unfortunately.
Do you have a halo?
'Cause I can give it to you.
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
So I went to a church and I asked a friend, "Is the picture on the wall Jesus, and does it have three nails or one nail?" Oh wait, that's not Jesus, he is not doing the T pose that he invited.
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
What does the Catholic Church and Worstjokesever.com have in common?
They're both full of child groomers.
Priest
What's the slogan for a Muslim gym?
Might in dynamite.
You are so ugly, when the devil saw you, he said, "Jesus Christ!"
Mom, what happens if you swear at a church?
Well, honey, a tee posing nun with glowing red eyes and nunchucks will beat you.
Is that a person over there?
Na, it's Jesus.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
They'll fall right through his hands.