Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"
Religion Jokes
What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?
Father Les.
I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are through the roof!
What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?
They are all locked in the Priest's basement.
Question: Why did Donald Trump convert to Judaism?
Answer: Because he heard that Vladimir Putin likes to drink vodka with "Orange Jews"!
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If Jesus was real, they wouldnât call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.
Why are Egyptian gods orphans?
Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a new bus) every year to make a prophet.
I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.
The priest is in jail now.
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. Theyâre in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he canât die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and letâs get the hell out of here!"
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Nah, he got nailed...
Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.
So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."
One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.
In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"
The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."
In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"
The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."
In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"
The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."
Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"
A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight." He was a priest.
On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."
The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? The rabbi cuts it off, and the priest sucks it off.
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.
And the Lord said onto John, "Come forth to receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
