Religion jokes

I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.

The priest is in jail now.

I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.

It was a touching story.

One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.

Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?

Palm Sunday.

The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.

So I treat everyone like garbage.

"Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death"?

Maybe in infidel America but.... it is #1 in the Glorious Iran.

🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷🇮🇷

Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"

What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?

Father Les.

I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are through the roof!

Why are Egyptian gods orphans?

Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a new bus) every year to make a prophet.

Question: Why did Donald Trump convert to Judaism?

Answer: Because he heard that Vladimir Putin likes to drink vodka with "Orange Jews"!

You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.

That's why priests invented baptism.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a prostitute?

The look they give you while you’re nailing them.

On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Nah, he got nailed...

The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.

Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.

So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."

A priest walks into a wine store.

"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh, you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: "I said what I said."

Like this if you laughed.

These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.

I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.

Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.

Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.

Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back. (Clearly someone didn't come back with the milk)

Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.

What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.

Hope you had fun reading this! My friend and I laughed reading all of em!