Religion jokes
"Pray to God her inside her head. I'm scared of God."
Why is the elephant headed God the true God?
Because he doesn't exist!
What activity do nuns and whores have in common?
Answer: Genuflection.
What do Middle Eastern suicide bombers say before they blow up?
I weel sho u wot da bom bom is! ALLAH!
I am starting a frog cult now!
You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.
A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture, unfortunately.
A boy named Jimmy was riding to Hell to save his brothers and sister. That is the last place he pissed. There came across the Devil.
Part 1
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.
Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.
Why do animators like Christianity?
Because Jesus was the one who invented T-Pose.
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.
Lettuce pray.
The Flanders Song
God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."
Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.
Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."
"Leave me alone!"
Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."
There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
Where do babies get baptized?
So the priest can wash their sex toys.