Why did God invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.
A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
What do fat demons hate? Exorcise.
Why did Michael Jackson like having little boys round him? He was studying for the priesthood.
So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.
If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.
I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.
She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?
SpongeBob asks if you're ready first.
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
What do you call it when you baptize a Mexican? Bean dip!
A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
What does B.I.B.L.E. stand for?
Bull Shit In Book Lacking Evidence.
Does it cycle now?
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."
What does a priest hold on to when having sex?
He holds on to the schoolbag.
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.
