Religion jokes

Is it bad to hit an orphan?

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Well... I mean, they could go to church and try to gather that someone hit them.

If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?

Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.

Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?

Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.

Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.

Teacher: He did not.

Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.

Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.

Suzy: Then you can ask him.

One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"

Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are da bomb.

When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."

Yo momma so ugly, the Devil started going to church!

When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...

But they know you're blind.

P.l.a.n.e.

Precious lord, are nonbelievers evil?

Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

That’s why the nickname for your hairline is the Red Sea.

They don't call priests "daddy," they call me daddy.

Bruh, frog cult is besttttt!

Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."

A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid."

The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what?"

It wasn't Islam that radicalized the terrorists who did 9/11.

Jenga comes to mind, though!

The only reason communism started was because God looked at your face.

Your hairline has a huge path between it, looks like Moses had something to do with it.

Why did God create sex for marriage?

Because he wanted more people and less fun.

What do a Catholic priest and an Olympic silver medalist have in common? A: They both come in a little behind.