Religion jokes
One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are da bomb.
When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."
Why do orphans go to church?
Why?
To finally call someone "father."
Orphan: I finally have a father!
God: And who is that?
Orphan: You!
God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.
Orphan: :l
To Drew the Devil,
We NEED to talk RN. I'm very mad at you, and we need to talk.
Angry Alex
P.l.a.n.e.
Precious lord, are nonbelievers evil?
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi? Because they can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...
But they know you're blind.
You're so ugly that every time you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."
Why do orphans come to me?
'Cause they have someone to call "father."
God promised John that if he came in 1st, he would get an eternal life, but instead he came in 5th and got a kettle!
What do you get when you cross an adopted kid with a river?
Moses hits the adoption lottery!
One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
First bite: Oh my God!
Second bite: Oh my, God!
What activity do nuns and whores have in common?
Answer: Genuflection.
Why [does] a tranny say "Have a good day" to a Jew?
He [is a] goy.
Blud is so old he pre-ordered the Torah.
My mum is a vegan. She brings us to after school seitan.