Religion jokes
Do y'all love Jesus, God? 🙏❤️
How does Moses brew his coffee?
He brews it.
If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?
Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.
Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?
Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.
Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.
Teacher: He did not.
Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.
Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.
Suzy: Then you can ask him.
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"
What do you call a Muslim who drinks, smokes, and fools around with other women?
Turkish.
Two ropes meet. They ask each other, "Why are you wearing a hijab?" The other replies, "I want to go into the water now."
You'd think with Jason being a pastor's kid, his parents would have gotten him Invisalign.
And an exorcism.
Q: What do nuns and bathrooms have in common?
A: They both have glory holes for pleasing.
First bite: Oh my God!
Second bite: Oh my, God!
What's the difference between Christian theocrats and Islamic fundamentalists?
Presentation.
Orthodox Christians are a little slow; they take 13 days to get the joke. So go easy on them, alright?
In England, for every church, there are two pubs.
In Poland, for every pub, there are two churches.
A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone, and the nun says, "Yes, a fucking hot girl!"
The existence of the word "priest" implies the existence of "prier" and "pri".
Your hairline has a huge path between it, looks like Moses had something to do with it.
They don't call priests "daddy," they call me daddy.
What activity do nuns and whores have in common?
Answer: Genuflection.
HELP! I MIGHT BE A RELIGIOUS EXTREMIST BECAUSE MY RHYMES ARE DA BOMB.