Religion jokes

What is the definition of suspicion? A: A nun doing squats in a cucumber field.

If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:

So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.

Q: What do priests do to stay in shape?

A: They exorcise.

Why won't an atheist convert to the religion of Islam? Because being on the sex offender list is the only requirement to be a Muslim according to the Arabic religion of Islam.

God, when terminally ill children beg him to heal them:

God: No, I don’t want to.

Person: "How many people have you had intercourse with?"

Me: "Nun."

Bastards can never pray, because they don't have a Holy Father.

We are coming out with a Whopper that is similar to a priest because it also has its meat between 5-year-old buns.

Why couldn't Jesus have been born in Florida?

Answer: They wouldn't be able to find "Three Wise Men" or a virgin!

What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You can hang the picture with just one nail.

Your mama is so old, her first Christmas, she was a Wiseman's +1.

You're so short that I had to ask God why he made you short-ass toothpick legs.

All you pro-life Christian motherfuckers can go die, lol.

Meya eats meat all her sins is go off when she eat meat.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Golly.

Golly who?

Godly leave me alone!

Why do orphans go to church so they can call someone "father?"

The bird was trying to cross the road because there was a church, but instead, the birds chirp chirp chirp, "Let's go to church!"

Premise 1: IF God exists, he exists.

Premise 2: If God exists, he exists.

Premise 3: IF God exists, he definitely exists.

Conclusion: Therefore he exists.

God took away Stephen Hawking's privileges.

Need an arch? I Noah guy.