Religion jokes
"Thank God there are no of these ahahha ya thank God to pranks."
"Oh I forgot a dance 🕺 😅 joke is good ok for kids."
How can you tell if a white homophobic heterosexual man with bisexual tendencies is a Christian nationalist?
He gives anonymous blowjobs to men regardless of their sexual orientation.
What is a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.
I dated an Indian girl for about six months. She was always Sikhing attention.
What’s a similarity between a priest and McDonald’s?
They both shove their meat between 10 year old buns.
What do you call someone who is half a Jew?
Jew-ish.
Do you have a halo, cause I can give you one.
Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
Bible Verse of The Day - For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.
—Romans 8:15-16
Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?
Boy's pants are half off.
An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."
Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
Q: What do nuns and bathrooms have in common?
A: They both have glory holes for pleasing.
Yo mama so fat, she got baptized at SeaWorld.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
Why did the orphan go to church?
To finally call someone father. 😂😂
When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"
God creates a wasp :)
God: Okay, so make it reeeeally tiny. Like less than half a fly.
Angel: okay... a bug.
God: now give it's face a sword, but it has a hole so it's basically a mouth.
Angel: weird.. but okay...
God: and give it wings.
Angel: eh, not half bad Go-
God: NOW MAKE IT EAT THE BLOOD OF ALL LIVING ANIMALS AND HUMANS
Angel: *shook* o-okay
God: okay. Now make sure whenever a human is bit it feels the pain of a million suns burning it, making it scratch until it bleeds out.
Angel: . - .
God: and make sure it also transfers diseases through the species. Give 'em a taste 'o that! *evil grin*
Angel: *cries*
Angel: *whispers; I'm so sorry..*
I don't get it.
Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".
How do we know Stephen is dying in hell?
There’s a stairway to heaven.
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "Johnny, do you pray before you eat?" Little Johnny says, "I don't need to, my mum makes good food."