Religion jokes

Yo mama so fat, she had to get baptized in the ocean.

If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?

When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"

When God had to take a shit from making a good wife, you pasted between his ass cheeks...

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

A priest walked in and said to the kids,

"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"

Q: What do Satan and a priest have in common?

A: They both want Anthony's neck.

There are "nun" good jokes.

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning building.

Priest: What about the children, Rabbi?

Rabbi: Fuck the children!

Priest: Do we have time?

When you go to the priest's basement, you will always find the pope's body and his children in the corner of the room.

Is it bad to hit an orphan?

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Well... I mean, they could go to church and try to gather that someone hit them.

The bird was trying to cross the road because there was a church, but instead, the birds chirp chirp chirp, "Let's go to church!"

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.

God being a sniper is so fun!

Meya eats meat all her sins is go off when she eat meat.

Why do orphans go to church so they can call someone "father?"

If orphans aren’t religious, they really have no father. 😂

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Golly.

Golly who?

Godly leave me alone!

Why won't an atheist convert to the religion of Islam? Because being on the sex offender list is the only requirement to be a Muslim according to the Arabic religion of Islam.

If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?

Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.