Religion jokes

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”

Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?

He wanted to be able to finger A minor.

Orphans go to church to call someone father.

I was talking to a close friend that was Islamic.

He said he was being shipped to an amazing training.

I asked, "Where are you going?"

He said, "Camp Bin Laden."

I asked, "What do they do there?"

He answered, "They got bomb training and hand to hand combat training. Plus they got arts and crafts."

I asked, "What do you mean by arts and crafts?"

He said, "See this towel on my head?" I nodded. "I made it out of boxer jokes."

I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."

What did the orphans do when the bombs drop?

They said, "Allahu Akbar."

Why do orphans go to church?

Because there they have a father.

You're so ugly that every time you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."

Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture?

A: One uses one nail to hang.

What do you get when you cross a bisexual male that is a catholic priest and a christian police officer that is a bisexual male and a born again homophobic heteroflexable male that is a christian nationalist who is in the closet a gay man that needs to be force out of the closet by any means necessary?

When Ariana Grande walked into the church, she said, "GOD IS A WOMAN!"

What do you get when you cross a Muslim in a trench coat and a duffel bag?

A sad news story.

After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"

The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.

"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.

The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

What is the difference between Catholics and Lutherans?

Catholics are registered sex offenders.

Why did the orphan go to church?

To finally call someone father. 😂😂

What do gay guys and priests have in common?

They are both gay in their own ways.

God: I feel like I'm forgetting something... oh no, Earth! *sees it on fire* Oh, it's fine.

People of Earth: *running and screaming*

Santen: *to God* Really?

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

What does a nun say when you ask too many questions?

"Nunya business!"