Relationship jokes

I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair.

Why is it that skinny men like fat women?

Because they need warmth in winter, and shade in summer.

Why was the Orphan boy gay?

So he can call someone Daddy.

Are you a playground? Because I want to put my kids in you.

Which one would be better to fuck, a fat bitch or a skinny bitch?

Roses are red, violets are blue, she's only red bc she sucked you.

What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?

A unicycle can only take one person at a time.

My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?

I’d hit that.

What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?

They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.

My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.

Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.

How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?

She unlocks the handcuffs.

How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?

He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.

What’s worse than finger banging your sister?

Finding your dad’s wedding ring.

I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."

The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.

My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.

I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."

I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.