Relationship jokes

Yo mama is such a slut, she could get slapped by a pack of hot dogs and get pregnant.

I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."

I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.

My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.

Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?

Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?

In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.

My wife told me to contact more of my feminine side.

I crashed the car and fucked my trainer.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.

And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.

Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.

Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.

How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?

Put barbecue sauce on it.

Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?

Neither one of them, they eat out.

I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.

My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.

How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?

She unlocks the handcuffs.

My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.

Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?

I’d hit that.

Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫