Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
Relationship Jokes
Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?
I’d hit that.
Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫
What’s worse than finger banging your sister?
Finding your dad’s wedding ring.
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?
A unicycle can only take one person at a time.
Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."
