Relationship jokes

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

Joe mama so fat that she is homeless wit you.

What is old, cold, and alone?

An orphan's parents.

What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?

A. Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

What's the difference between your dad and a boomerang?

The boomerang comes back.

What’s the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?

Pikachu, I choose you!

What sexual position produces the ugliest kids? Ask your mum!

Neither of them respect boundaries.

Don't treat her like a gold pump when she's treating you like a gray pistol. Put down a launch pad and rotate.

Mommy, when will daddy come back?

I'm not your mom...

Why can’t orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call daddy.

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

What do you call a picture of an orphan?

A family portrait.

I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 10 fingers, the middle ones are for you.

Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?

A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"