Relationship jokes

My sister says I’m annoying, or that’s what I read in her diary.

What does a mother fear most?

Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.

When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.

Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂

If you know it, you know it.

What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.

Wow, Gwen even said she loves TJ! She just did!

Prince, look at it. You are going to be crushed. It is in bored jokes and it has 65 comments, look there!

Sally's mother had four children. The fourth April, the second May, the third June. Who was the first child?

Sally.

My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.

If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

I like my coffee like my women.

Amateur.

Yo mama is such a slut, she could get slapped by a pack of hot dogs and get pregnant.

I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."

I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.

My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.

Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?

Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?

In what city do you always lose your mum? Mumbai.

My wife told me to contact more of my feminine side.

I crashed the car and fucked my trainer.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.

And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.

Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.

Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.

How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?

Put barbecue sauce on it.