Relationship jokes
Diabetic wives are like Cillit Bang. Squeeze them a bit and bang! The bed is gone.
My mom's name is Angel, and she is nothing like one!
Especially in bed...
So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.
So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"
I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"
She said, "*sniff* yes."
I like my coffee like my men, long and black.
After sleeping with her boyfriend for the first time, the lead singer of Blackbriar told her friend all about it: "Ik zora cock!"
Ex-girlfriend: "I can smell fish."
Ex-boyfriend: "I can smell shit."
Ex-boyfriend: "Well, how many boys swam down there?"
Ex-girlfriend: "20!"
Fish: "It wasn't me. I don't swim around mistakes."
Who did Stephen Hawking love more than anyone else?
His wife, "Eye," who was also bad at running.
Mum is the best!
What do you call a school bus that you cannot drive?
A friend.
Five minutes later, she agreed to get with me, so we went and rocked the minivan like, "Giggity, Giggity, Giggity!"
What's a gay person's favorite meal?
Meat with white sticky stuff.
Why do my parents not love me? Because I've fucked 12 dogs and 7 minors while they were watching!
Son, you are not precious, so pack your bags because someone else is going to adopt you.
Dad, what do you mean someone else will adopt me?
Son, you're adopted!
"Where are you? I need to throw you out because Mum said to take out the trash."
What starts with M, ends with arriage, and is every guy's favorite thing? Miscarriage.
That one never gets old, just like the baby.
What did the woman say to the man?
"Stop."
What did the man do?
Keep going.
FUCK MEN IN THE ARSE
Q: Sex is great, only your mate can sometimes be a little nuts!
(I am still a single young virgin.)
Pick up line for girls with the last name "Berg":
"I may be a tall glass of whiskey, but I'm nothing without a few ice Bergs."
My wife left me yesterday.
I haven't talked to the kids in a year.
Not sure if domestic violence joke or penis size joke...