Relationship jokes
So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.
So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"
I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"
She said, "*sniff* yes."
I like my coffee like my men, long and black.
My parents gave me a blowjob. It was a blowtastic time!
Roses are red, violets are blue, my bed has room for 2 ;)
Friend: Do you think she likes me?
Me: Yah.
Friend: Really😀😀😀?
Me: Hell no.
Friend: 😥😓😫😭😭😭😭😭😭 You did not have to be so honest.
What do you call a school bus that you cannot drive?
A friend.
A person walks into the bar and said, "Hey barman, get my son a drink and tell him his dad is dead."
Who said that?
Ex-girlfriend: "I can smell fish."
Ex-boyfriend: "I can smell shit."
Ex-boyfriend: "Well, how many boys swam down there?"
Ex-girlfriend: "20!"
Fish: "It wasn't me. I don't swim around mistakes."
What did the woman say to the man?
"Stop."
What did the man do?
Keep going.
FUCK MEN IN THE ARSE
"Where are you? I need to throw you out because Mum said to take out the trash."
What starts with M, ends with arriage, and is every guy's favorite thing? Miscarriage.
That one never gets old, just like the baby.
Pick up line for girls with the last name "Berg":
"I may be a tall glass of whiskey, but I'm nothing without a few ice Bergs."
Q: Sex is great, only your mate can sometimes be a little nuts!
(I am still a single young virgin.)
Son, you are not precious, so pack your bags because someone else is going to adopt you.
Dad, what do you mean someone else will adopt me?
Son, you're adopted!
My wife left me yesterday.
I haven't talked to the kids in a year.
Not sure if domestic violence joke or penis size joke...
What's a gay person's favorite meal?
Meat with white sticky stuff.
Five minutes later, she agreed to get with me, so we went and rocked the minivan like, "Giggity, Giggity, Giggity!"
My mom's name is Angel, and she is nothing like one!
Especially in bed...
Who did Stephen Hawking love more than anyone else?
His wife, "Eye," who was also bad at running.