Relationship jokes
I got breast implants for my wife to squeeze on as she thrusts on my meat while straddled in between my legs.
Your so broke your mom can't afford your daddy.
"You have to do this," and my sister said, "Well, I don't care."
And I said, "Well, you care enough to respond back, oh my gosh!"
If your dad said, "Take out the trash," he means to take you out.
What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.
GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?
Me: My sister.
SWEET HOME ALABAMAA
What do you call someone who is extra virgin?
Mrs. Frame.
I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.
I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.
Me and my wife were out at dinner. Me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
What do you call a gay friend?
Miguel Del Rosario Domingo.
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."
Dad: Son, you're adopted.
Son: Oh wow, I wonder who my real parents are.
Dad: We are your real parents. Your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.
We split because she would always say I never listen, or something like that.
I could never fall out of a boat because I've already fallen for you.
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.
I hope you remembered my name since you’ll be screaming it later.
Parents: Let's have a bonfire.
Me: Let's go to the orphanage.
Parents: To bring other children?
Me: No, to have the fire.
Parents: Won't they be missed?
Me: No, because there is nobody to miss them.
Your dad.
"Me lava you sooo much, cutie cake. I know I'm so so so cuteee. Lava you girl... ummmma ummmaaa. I know where you liveee kutty."