Relationship jokes
A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
What did the cow and bull do for their first date? - Dinner and a Moovie.
Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend?
A: Will you marrow me?
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Two gay lovers find out they are brothers.
Quote for the day.
I looked this quote up, but it really is a good thing, just for starters.
"Sometimes you will never know the VALUE of a moment until it becomes a MEMORY."
Also, loving is so much more to give instead! Always remember to love!!! Best-Gwen :)
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it, but I'm not too worried. I think she is joking.
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:
Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?
Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.
Your mom.
My best friend said, "Can you put your dick in me?" I said, "Can I cum in you?"
Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):
"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"
Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".
Why does Sally hate herself? Because Sophie stole her boy.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
Before: Caring & Noble.
After: Chernobyl.
Sometimes I wish my gf was here, that way we could have some fun in my bed. Then I realize she's right across the hall. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA)!!
Why is your nan gay? Because she's an orphan.
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.
Me and my girlfriend broke up, so I took her wheelchair, and she came crawling back.