Relationship jokes

My marriage was on the rocks, so I buried my wife under some.

Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!

So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"

The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"

Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!

So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"

So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"

Wanna make out, Explain Bear?

What's the difference between milk and my dad?

Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.

Are you Roblox? 'Cuz I wanna play ya all day.

John walked into Pat at the barn. He was dancing naked in front of a tractor. John said, "Hey, Pat, what are you doing?"

Pat said, "Well, me and the wife have been having a bit of trouble in bed, so I went to a therapist, and he said I should do something sexy to a tractor (attract her)."

I just read an article that Texas is number one in the nation for both depression and infidelity in relationships.

It's a sad state of affairs.

I don’t have another talking stage in me. 🤦🏿‍♂️ Do you squirt, and is your BD dead? 😭

Person 1: How the freak did you get in my house?!?! I locked the door!!!

Person 2: But I'm your mom... I have a key. You dumbass.

Yo mama so fat, when you married your sister, she was big enough to sit on the groom's side and the bride's side.

"I fancy Hunter, my big sugar daddy," said the orphan, clearly lying.

What did the boy goat say to his girlfriend?

You're my boo!

Love you.

Why do orphans love dogs?

Because dogs stay with them.

Me and 1/2 of my friends.

Fuck you and your shitty family!

I dated an orphan and then later married him for 7 years until he told me he was an orphan.

I was lying on the bed the other night and my missus was playing with my cock, trying to get it to go hard. She asked me what's the matter? I said, "I just don't find women without hair very attractive."

Konan was having sex on the couch, thinking how he'd come so far.

Person 1: Omg, my blind boyfriend cheated on me.

Person 2: What did you expect? Him to see other hoes...