Relationship jokes

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

I went home one day, and three guys—a Spanish guy, a Chinese guy, and a white guy—told me, "You should be proud of your sister. She won a trophy about knowing her flavor of meats." Then my sister told me that I was blindfolded, and she gave all of them a blowjob, and I had to guess which flavor that I was sucking on. I was right all the time, and they gave me a trophy. The Trophy says "Blowjobs of the Flavors." As a brother, I couldn't be prouder.

If her internal clock can tock, she can sit on my cock.

If her internal clock can tick, she can sit on my dick.

Your mum. That's all I need to say.

My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.

Me and your mom in the bed.

Kidnapper: Hey kid, your mom told me to follow me.

Orphan: But I don't have a mom!

A girl said she liked dogs. I called her a bitch.

So you decide one day to ask your son if he wants to f**k, do you do it for 3 hours, then you realize how will I explain another pregnancy to my sterile husband?

Me: Hey you trashy pig woman, go in the toilet or lay on the grass where you belong.

Trashy pig woman: Why?

Me: Because you smell like fart and you're pretty much just a turd with lips.

Submit a joke :-)

Your love life.

My wife said I acted like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.

What do you say to someone's mom?

"You mom gay."

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

My I.

May I who?

May I put this pussy on your mouth?

One day, a man was walking in an alley when a crackhead attacks him. So the man shoots him in the head and runs inside his home. When he goes to his wife, she asks him if he saw her dad.

I love you, Lovely Perv!

Me: Hey, have you seen my butt?

Him: No, have you seen where it is?

Me: Maybe here on your private part hehe.

Him: *dumps my head on the toilet* HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR ASS NOW, PERVERT?

You see, my son is very into astronomy.

Son: How do stars die?

Dad: Usually overdose, son.

I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.

Why did the orphan say, "Help?" He needed his brother.