Relationship jokes

A girl said she liked dogs. I called her a bitch.

I love you, Lovely Perv!

Your mum. That's all I need to say.

One day, a man was walking in an alley when a crackhead attacks him. So the man shoots him in the head and runs inside his home. When he goes to his wife, she asks him if he saw her dad.

Me: Hey, have you seen my butt?

Him: No, have you seen where it is?

Me: Maybe here on your private part hehe.

Him: *dumps my head on the toilet* HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR ASS NOW, PERVERT?

You see, my son is very into astronomy.

Son: How do stars die?

Dad: Usually overdose, son.

I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.

Yo mama so stupid, she brought weed to the highway. Then she realized, "I'm not stupid, I was just high as a bitch." She just got fucked so hard by her man, she thought she was high.

Why did the orphan say, "Help?" He needed his brother.

I’m horny who else is *ugh ugh papi harder*.

Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?

She lost her ass playing poker...

My parents gave me a blowjob. It was a blowtastic time!

I'm deaf. My deaf ex-wife cheated on me with a guy who I met on a deaf social trip who was also deaf. I guess I didn't see the signs at the time.

Me and my friends were talking. Then we started talking about our wives. I said, "So, I married a volcano for a wife. You never know when she will blow up."

What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

My dad came back!

Your mom walked into a bar and broke all the furniture.

Me: Hey you trashy pig woman, go in the toilet or lay on the grass where you belong.

Trashy pig woman: Why?

Me: Because you smell like fart and you're pretty much just a turd with lips.

My wife said I acted like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.

Submit a joke :-)

Your love life.

What do you say to someone's mom?

"You mom gay."

Two brothers were arguing. One went: "You're an idiot!"

The other went: "Your brother's a mother!"

He replied: "Yeah, I know. Thanks for agreeing with me."