My friend and I got into a fight. I looked straight forward and said, "Look me in my eyes!"
Your mom walked into another bar and broke all the furniture. Again.
Ex-girlfriend: “I can smell fish.”
Ex-boyfriend: “I can smell sh*t.”
Ex-boyfriend: “Well, how many boys swam down there?”
Ex-girlfriend: “20!”
Fish: “Wasn’t me, I don’t swim around mistakes.”
Kariana: Dad and mom, what is this bullshit?
Treon: How did you find that?!
Kariana: It was under the cabinet where you told me to put the streamers. I found these under the cabinet, did she have another sister you didn't tell me about? Now tell the truth, or else!
Petina: Now what have we told you about going into things that are not yours!
Kariana: I just told you to say the fricking truth, now who is Faineni? Where is she? Who is she? What is her date of birth? Why do I have her bra under here and why....IS IT UNDER THE FRICKING CABINET!!!!! ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!!
Treon: We can't!
Kariana: BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!
Tyler: What's your favorite fruit?
Frankie: Pineapple duh, what's yours?
Tyler: Pineapple
Frankie: Wanna come over and watch some Netflix? I'm home alone.
Tyler: Absolutely!! What time should I be there?
Frankie: Right now.
Tyler: Sweet! Should I bring a condom?
Frankie: Now enough talk, let's fuck.
Tyler: I thought you never asked.
A black man walked into a bar. Another guy invited him over for a drink. They spent the rest of the night drinking and having a good time.
What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?
A miscarriage.
Well, the "HOLE" story is, I shoved it up her hole.
Friend: My girls are like boomerangs; they always come back.
Me: Mine DON'T :(
I asked my zombie boyfriend, "Does he have a brain?" Because he's stupid asf.
Hey Gwen, uhhhhhhh, fresfry told me to tell you I like you. Jk, I don't.
"Roses are red, I'm a girl, Now go and take a hike."
*Son comes out as gay*
Me: What's 17 more years?
I need a lovely lady to spoil. I have a big dick and a very clean house. Add me now.
Snapchat: @colin_green21
What do you get when you cross mums and makeup?
Beauty!
Me: Sister, are you wearing makeup?
My sister wearing all the world's makeup.
Sister: Just a little.
Women, you're a marshmallow because you're white, squashy, and everyone sticks their stick inside you.
Are you winter? Because you will be coming soon.
Know why they call gonorrhea gonorrhea?
'Cause once you have it, everyone is gone.
When your wife takes 30 minutes to get ready.
Me: Takes five minutes.
Me: Hun, you done yet?
