Relationship jokes

So you decide one day to ask your son if he wants to f**k, do you do it for 3 hours, then you realize how will I explain another pregnancy to my sterile husband?

I love you, Lovely Perv!

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Your love life.

My wife said I acted like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.

What do you say to someone's mom?

"You mom gay."

You see, my son is very into astronomy.

Son: How do stars die?

Dad: Usually overdose, son.

I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.

I’m horny who else is *ugh ugh papi harder*.

Why did the orphan say, "Help?" He needed his brother.

Yo mama so stupid, she brought weed to the highway. Then she realized, "I'm not stupid, I was just high as a bitch." She just got fucked so hard by her man, she thought she was high.

My parents gave me a blowjob. It was a blowtastic time!

I'm deaf. My deaf ex-wife cheated on me with a guy who I met on a deaf social trip who was also deaf. I guess I didn't see the signs at the time.

Your mom walked into a bar and broke all the furniture.

Me: Hey you trashy pig woman, go in the toilet or lay on the grass where you belong.

Trashy pig woman: Why?

Me: Because you smell like fart and you're pretty much just a turd with lips.

If her internal clock can tick, she can sit on my dick.

If her internal clock can tock, she can sit on my cock.

Jake grabbed Lina's thigh and said, "Why don't we have sex? I really wanna see your boobs. I bet they're hot." "Yeah, they are." She took her clothes off and he saw her body. "OMG GODDESS OF BOOBS, PUSSYS AND BUTT LETS HAVE SEX LOOK AT MY..." HE WOKE UP THEN CRIED AND KISSED HIS SISTER'S BUTT. SHE SMACKED HIM THEN HE TOOK HER TO HIS BASEMENT AND KILLED HER FROM SEX.

My mom is gay.

Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.

Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.

Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.

Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.

Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.

Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)

At my sample place, I handed my wife a fork and I lost my job.

Your mom's asshole.