Relationship jokes
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?
They can both squirt out their cum.
A guy says to his dog, "Where are you?" The dog was actually dead, bro.
I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."
Why can't an orphan be gay?
They have no one to call daddy.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get to the house. They turned the lights out. Jill shouts, "It's a dildo, WTF?"
My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach.
She asked me "Why the hell did you do that?!?!?" "I wanted to let you know I'm pro abortion."
I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.
I told my therapist you are too fat and ugly to date grown men. Then she asked me, "You wanna give a judgemental reaction about that?" I said, "Okay, you smell rat pee on somebody's cock."
What do a Rubik's cube and a dick have in common? The more you play with them, the harder they get.
Guys, my girlfriend calls me: "911, help! There’s a strange man in my room and I think he’s on drugs!"
She’s so nice.
Penis ➕ ➕ ➕ 🕳
inside 🚹 🚹 restroom
equals 😋 🍌 🍌 🍌 inside
glory 🕳
Why'd the rubber go flying across the room?
Because it got pissed off!
"Gwen, I want my boyfriend back!"
My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.
Welcome to the Friend Zone! It’s lonely here.
A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.
One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."
My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."
What is a pizza that an orphan can’t have?
A family pizza.
What does the dead man say to the other? He says, "Your daughter is pretty."
The other man says, "How do you know?"
The other man says, "Because she is dead."