Relationship jokes
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
What does "off-limits" have in common with dead people? They can’t see their family.
Q: What’s the hardest thing about fucking a dude with a dildo?
A: Making sure he doesn’t wake up.
How can you tell when your sister is on her period?
Your dad's knob tastes funny.
I saw a guy beat his girlfriend to a pulp after his girlfriend threw a phone in his face. I offered to call an ambulance, but he said he was fine.
There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.
I only have sex with suicidal bitches because that pussy [is] limited edition.
My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.
I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"
I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
Hi, father, I failed the class, you mommy!
What do orphans call a selfie?
A family photo.
Kid: I don't want to go to the movies.
Mom: Shut your mouth and clean my room!
I asked my sister to say something.
She said, "No."
That's what I like to hear.
My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.
If you've spent less time inside your mother than your father has, you just might be from Alabama!
What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?
A doppelgangbang.
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
Just 'cause I have a big penis doesn't mean I can't have sex.
Gina: Ha! YOU HAVE NOTHING!
Orphan: Yes I do.
Gina: What do you have then?
Orphan: Parents.
Gina: LIAR!