Relationship jokes

What's the difference between anal and oral?

Oral makes your day whereas anal makes your whole weak.

Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?

Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.

Daughter: So she only loves my sister?

Dad: Yep.

What is the difference between the human rights act and a dad?

My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.

Wife: I think these pants are getting too small for me!

Husband: Don't worry, maybe you are just bad at laundry.

My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"

If I adopt a child, is it mine?

🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯😳

Once upon a time, a man said to a woman, "I want to fuck you."

I approached her in the checkout line and said, "Yo baby wassup?"

Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?

Dad: Because you were made there.

Mum: We haven't been to Canada.

Dad: Hol' up a minute.

He said he didn't want to be my brother anymore.

He's now my sister.

I don't want to date an alien.

I love you. You too. I love you. You have a good night. Love. Love. I love you. You and your mom, love. Love. You have the best friends. Love. You have fun. Love. Is it good? You you have to walk home from school and walk walk home from school. I have fun at home.

My brother truly is a numbskull.

Gays: I like men.

Straight: I like women.

Bisexual: A hole is a hole.

The South Tower proposed to the North Tower, but he said no.

I’m am very sad that you guys are making fun of adopted kids because I am adopted :( :( 😢 🥺 😢 😭😭

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.

I’m breaking up with you, bitch.

We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?

“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”

What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.