Relationship jokes
What is the difference between the human rights act and a dad?
He said he didn't want to be my brother anymore.
He's now my sister.
My sister said I'm stupid and I'm a baby, and I said, "Oh, I didn't know we were talking about you."
Thing to say during sex, "grab his dick and twist it!"
Don't adopt people, or else your parents are gonna say you're ACTUALLY adopted, k thx. No jokes anymore, bye.
Memes
What's the difference between a happy family and a car guy? Only one has a family.
My dad left me.
Knock knock. Who's there? Jo. Jo who? Jo Auntie.
Mom
Evan, me and your mom are done with you.
"Send me back, I never liked you."
I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.
She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.
Aaron, you glad I didn't make this joke?
My name is Justin. I like boys. Hit me up?
Love? Is impossible.
What is you main food?
Me: Pizza cause I'm cheesy.
Friend: Chocolate chips cause I have a lot of friends.
Girlfriend: Donut cause I have a lot of cream.
I wanted to have sex, but I share a room with my brother, so we made a code. "Tomato" for faster, and "cheese" for more, and I shouted, "Tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese." My brother said, "Stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayo on my bed!"
Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?
12 year old me: Yeah!
Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?
Me: What?
Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?
Dad: Because you were made there.
Mum: We haven't been to Canada.
Dad: Hol' up a minute.
I told my cousin since we're not blood-related our parents would let us date.
Her pants were on fire.