Relationship jokes
A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.
My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Say, "Moommy."
One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...
"My love, I missed you."
"Aww, I missed you too."
"I did not miss *that* time!"
Why did Stephen Hawking's girlfriend finish with him? Because he would never walk her home.
Your taste in men is like my taste in humor: dark.
Why are hurricanes like women? Because they come into your life, take nearly everything, and leave.
Why did your mom cross the road?
You were on the same side as her, and she wanted to get as far away from you as possible.
“In yo mama.”
My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."
Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.
Orphan: Can I come over?
Girl: Yeah, but you have to bring your parents.
Yo mama so ugly, we all are trying to help her look better.
My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic, but I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
What's the difference between you and a calendar?
Calendars got dates.
My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I need your peach, and I'll torture you with a speech.