Relationship jokes
Most embarrassing moment during sex, GO!
James Arnold: My grandma walked in while I was knife raping my wife.
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
Pickup line for gay people:
Roses are red, Antarctica is in the south, Get on your knees, And open your mouth.
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it's kinda like dodging your own bullets.
A black man walked into a bar. Another guy invited him over for a drink. They spent the rest of the night drinking and having a good time.
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.
My dick is like the way home for an orphan, its length is never-ending.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why did the man walk into a bar?
Because he just broke up and he needs alcohol, you dummy!
I showed my girlfriend my taser. She was stunned.
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
What do you tell twins who are in love with each other?
Go fuck yourself!
It’s like I always tell my kids:
"Two in the pink, one in the stink."
One time a girl was telling her boyfriend if she could have sex with him for just a little bit, and he said sure, so she just started having sex. She asked him if they could have a baby, but he said sure and started going hard. She told him she was joking, but he wouldn't get off. So she did the 69, and months later, she died, and he said he thinks he killed her with sex.
I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.
What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?
That’s assault!