Relationship jokes

Gwen, can we please chat? 😊

Gwen, this needs to stop, so please, this is not a dating website, go on Tinder or something, just not here. Hate me if it makes you feel better, but this is sickening!

What do you tell twins who are in love with each other?

Go fuck yourself!

Hey Prince, let's chat here, okay? Love you!

Your bitch has Covid-19.

Wanna hook up at Mount Cook?

9 months before I was born,

I went to a party with my dad and left with my mom.

I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.

The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.

Mom! (DYM 3)

My ex misses me, but her aim is getting better.

The only people who do yo mama jokes wish they had a mom.

I wanna date you.

Said mom, dad said no, you are a horrid, f*cking d*ck.

Hey babe, I’m looking to get 23 years in 23 seconds, can you help?

It's gonna take a step stool to get a blow job.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

Your taste in men is like my taste in humor: dark.

What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?

"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."