Relationship jokes

I'm not counting, but I have some fingers for you.

What did Mrs. Hotdog join after Mr. Hotdog joined LGBBQ+? The LGBBQ++ premium.

I was lying on the living room carpet the other day with my girlfriend on top of me in wings and a tutu, making out.

I called her the Fallen Angel.

Why can't a homeless person be seen around your wife?

Because she'll ask for her cardboard box! Ahahah.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

If she's not ready for an X-rated movie, she's not ready for this X-rated booty.

Is she saying, "Watch for red flags because he's toxic," or is he socialist?

Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.

I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.

If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.

People always call me heartless. That’s not true. I have a heart... it just wasn’t meant for you.

"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."

💪 💪 🏋️‍♂️ What do you get when you cross a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a bukkake slut, and a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a sex worker?

Cum Junkie.

Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?

Answer; Because it's where everyone goes to "Hang Their Meat"!

I turned gay because my wife is too poor.

I just had sex...

I think I nailed it!

(Shit joke, I know.)

What’s the difference between rap lovers and the Gigachad?

Rap lovers get more pussy.

You like kissing boys, don't you?

Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.

The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.

Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.

On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.

This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!

"Know, know how there."

"Lesh, lesh how can you at lesh remember my name?"

Friend: Hey, let me give you a little riddle. There's a table [for] four people who are supposed to sit [at]. There is you, me, Will, Mary. In which order will they sit?

Other friend: Uhm, you, me, Mary, and Will?

Friend 1: Nope, guess again!

Other friend: Okay, what about "Will you marry me?" Oh, wait...

Friend 1: Of course!!!! :D