Relationship jokes

I suck his dick with a smile for hours at a time.

Stare at his nutsack while I hold back my cum tonight.

And when he ask me what position I say, "Doggystyle." (And when they ask me what position I say, "Doggystyle.")

But the fact is I can never get off of his fat dick. And all that they can ask is (Ask is, ask is) "I just wanna smack it" (I just wanna smack it)

Here's what the fact is He can put my asshole in a casket (Yuh, yuh, yuh) Asshole in a casket

So you can see I'm cummin' But you won't see me nut. And I'll just keep on suckin', I'm good (Yeah, I'm good)

And if he sucks my glizzy I will become dizzy But it keeps us busy, I'm good (Yeah, I'm good)

I've been twerking for boys for so long I've been flirting with boys for so long

My jaw's been hurting for so, so long it's real So long, it's real, so long, it's real

Me, my brother, and my dad.

A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.

Who do you call someone that steals his brother's girlfriend and [is] disowned by his whole family? Brandon.

Mayonnaise marry me?

Come on guys, this is nasty, he was my uncle, ffs :(

Why is your nan gay? Because she's an orphan.

I invited my friend with a vasectomy to a party.

Unfortunately, he couldn't come.

When you say to your dad...

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Dad be like...

Who wants my son?

Nan be like, "Me!"

Kid be like...

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!

What are roux, says nan?

Um, they're your life savings!

Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"

Your mother.

So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)

A fan gave another fan a blowjob.

What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?

Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...

You know your doctor is gay when he asks you to touch your toes, and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus.

A man's daughter comes home from school and asks her dad if she can borrow the car.

The father replies, "No, it's too late at night."

The daughter says, "C'mon, Dad. I'll do anything."

The dad says, "OK, suck my dick."

The daughter says, "No, that's disgusting."

The dad says, "You want the car. You said you'll do anything."

The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth, she stops and says, "Eww, Dad, your dick smells like shit."

The dad replies, "Yeah, well, your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago."

How to trick a gay man into having sex with a woman?

Take a dump on her vagina!

What does a Chinese guy say to the love of his life?

"You're the ying to my yang!"

What do condoms and whores have in common?

Answer: There is a lot that comes in every box.

What's the difference between a cheater and your mom?

They both cheated!

My girlfriend's a two, but she's turning three tomorrow.