Relationship jokes

Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.

Person: What's your perfect date look like?

Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.

My mom said, "Hey, come over here."

I responded, "Too late, Mom!"

Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.

It's a good thing I'm married.

Bully: How is your girlfriend?

Me: I don't have one!

Bully: I know!

Me: How are your parents?

*Walks out of orphanage*

Dad: Are you gay?

Kid: Yes.

10 days later.

Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.

Dad: I thought you were gay?

Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.

Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.

If boys are like sports because they are easy to play, then girls are like a sandwich. They are nice at first, but they're crusty after.

Hey, is anyone’s mom missing? Yeah, yours.

My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.

I told him my dad never came back with it.

1273. My mother does not love me, nor does anyone, and my family doesn't either.

Todoroki POV: Deku = femboy.

Deku POV: Todoroki = big 8=====D.

Yo mama joke.

Jada Smith: Grow some balls!

Me: Grow some hair!

Ur dad

Omg, I'm sooooo sry!!!!!

Little off topic but...

Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.

Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.

Mum: Fair point.

My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!

My wife is so fat. She jumped up in the air and got stuck.

My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.

When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...