Relationship jokes
If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?
Are you a marry, because you are my mother?
What do the Twin Towers and my ex have in common?
They both fell on my dad.
I gave my sister a compliment and said she's pretty, then while she was saying thanks, I said, "pretty ugly."
Me: You are pretty. Her: Thanks. Me: Pretty ugly.
I hate family reunions. I see too many of my exes there.
When do you know your dad knows you are sneaking out? He hears the loud creaks.
What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?
The last names after marriage!
I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.
Your hairline's so bad, your dad went to get the milk and never came back. Years later, he comes back and says, "Go get a hairline, boy."
Why can't orphans be gay?
There's no one to call "daddy."
It turns into ligma.
Brother: What's ligma?
Big Brother: Ligma dick!
Tell rumors about me, but please don't say I'm in a love relationship.
The way ladies cheat nowadays is very alarming.
She might give birth to twins, but each twin having a different father. 😭
What do girls and your hairline have in common? They are both receding.
Women say their baby daddies are trash like... woman, didn't he impregnate you and didn't he win your heart? I mean, he's not trash, you are!
Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"
Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"
Boy: "What do you mean?"
Friend and me: "We can show you."
Me: "I will tie the rope."
Friend: "I will push the chair."
When she says "parents aren't home" so you rush upstairs.
A man has been dating a girl forever. He finally says, "I love you." The girl says, "Aww, thanks." The man looks at her, "Are you not gonna say it back?" The girl says, "No, I can’t."
Why is Bill the bad guy?
Monica wanted to suck dick.
My jokes are like your dad, you only see them for a few days.