Relationship jokes
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I decided to take her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.
If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.
So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."
One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"
I want to cream, rn.
I'm jealous of the people who never met you.
Akeld, just want you to know: Leave me and Gwen alone.
Real me.
Hello, I am Ren, sister of Gwen.
Hey guys, I'm back. I was grounded by my grandfather, so, yeah.
"Poo heads."
You’re like a fine wine. The more of you I drink in, the better I feel.
If you were a fruit, you’d be a ‘fine-apple.’
If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.
Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?
Both: FUCK YEAH!
Why is it good to be an orphan?
Because every bag of chips is family sized.
Q: Why are orphans so scared to get married?
A: They don't know what it feels like to have a family.
What is an orphan's least favorite song? We Are Family.
Freshfry, are you there? I really want to talk to you!
Love, Gwen.
Guy: Are you gay? I'm orphan.
A guy walks up to a girl. He says, "Hey, you want a poker? I’ve got one."