Relationship jokes
Dad, I love you.
Son, I love you.
What instrument do people like to listen to while having sex?
A sex-a-phone.
Who am I rooting for during the Super Bowl? Easy. Taylor Swift.
A NASA scientist is sitting in a bar when a Martian walks in and orders a martini.
The NASA scientist quickly realizes he is dreaming and wakes up. He turns to his wife and tries to explain the dream, but she rolls over and ignores him because she is tired of listening to him.
The NASA scientist begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles. lmao.
Akeld, just want you to know: Leave me and Gwen alone.
Real me.
A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"
The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."
You: Knock knock. Other person: Who is there? You: Not your parents.
What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?
When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.
So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.
A good bath is like a dead lover. You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.
Yo mama so nasty, she gave yo daddy head, then gave you a kiss good night.
I was at the club and then my dad walked up and said, "You're 15, why are you high and at the club?" So I ran. Then my uncle was at the car and took me home, so I was grounded. Then my boyfriend came because my parents went out and we had sex and we were very loud. My dad came home and walked in. He had my boyfriend pin me against the wall so my dad could spank me.
So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.
There were two twin brothers, Lucas and Marcus. Marcus got a girlfriend while Lucas stayed single.
A few weeks later, Lucas was caught kissing Marcus's girlfriend, and Marcus comes over and says: "Babe, I know we're twins, but I'm Marcus, and that's Lucas you were kissing." And his girlfriend looks at him and says: "I know."
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?
A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.
What does a blind man and your dick have in common?
They both can’t get up without a dog.
Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.
So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.