Relationship jokes
So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.
If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.
Louis Armstrong and Tork Poettschke go for a walk.
One says to the other, "My wife always says that icke is no worse than the other men."
"How many men does your wife have?"
What is the definition of "Endless Love"?
Answer: Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder playing "Tennis"!
My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Friend: Hi.
Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?
Friend: Me?
Me: Damn, no, not you.
Friend: Then who?
Me: The orphan kid.
I guess we're the same.
Memes
Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.
Your hairline goes even further back than the last time your parents said "I love you."
Yo mama so ugly when she looked in the mirror, her reflection threw up and ran away.
Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?
Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!
I told my emo girlfriend, "Do you like the lights?" Oh wait, she ain't got any.
Yo mama so hot that even Sodapop Curtis flirts with her.
I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂
Every time my cousin and I, we settle it out with our game, so we play rock paper scissors. 😂🤣🤣
Mate, my wife Susan has kicked me out again, anyone got a lift?
Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.
Get the whip, you're out!
You realize we are tolerating you, right?
Mbu some guys look financially stable until you start dating them... Mbu wait I see how this week goes...🤔
You used to be someone’s sunshine, but sorry, the climate changed. 😂😂😂😂
Guy and Girl are in the shower talking to each other.
Guy: Let's drop the soap.
Girl: Let's do it!
I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.