Relationship jokes
My dad left me, lol.
You should always be happy about family and love.
Husband: I look fat, can someone compliment me?
Wife: You have good eyesight.
He placed the chocolates and the flowers down beside her.
Silence...
And then at last she spoke...
"Unexpected item in the bagging area."
When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.
I have some words that might make sense to girls, but maybe not to boys, ready?
smart
kind
sweet
caring
loving
mature
Who's the smallest wife??
Micro-wife.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
What did a tree do for a human rights day at a tree?
I had no time today after a night with you today, but you walk away.
Pickup line: Are you the internet? 'Cause I feel a connection.
My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.
What's the difference between 5 cocks and a joke? I can't take a joke.
My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!
Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Alabama.
Alabama who?
Alabama your cousin.
I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.
AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!
Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.
I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"
Hey, math:
I’m really tired of trying to find your X. Accept that she’s gone, and solve your own problems, dude!
My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.
Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!