Relationship jokes
Like, and comment if you're single.
Sometimes women are like bad snacks. People try them and then chuck them in the trash.
One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.
I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!
Had an amazing night with this girl, woke up, and it was my aunt. Now I’m in love.
Why can’t orphans get married in Alabama?
Because they don’t have a sister.
Memes
What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
Why didn't Michael Jackson have a girlfriend? He's afraid of women.
Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:
"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"
"The dad was so horny he wanted to have sex with his wife, but his wife said no, so he fucked his daughter."
What’s the difference between 3 cocks and my sister?
My sister can’t take a joke about cocks in bed.
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
This is not a joke. Stop online dating.
"Popcorn" means "Photo-Oxidant formation by Plant-emitted Compounds and OH Radicals in Northeastern Germany."
"HO" means a woman, in particular one who has many casual sexual encounters or relationships. So basically, popcorn is a woman in plant based sex encountered a lot in a nazi camp.
My mom telling me the brief history of the blanket and how she received it from her cousin. ( ╹▽╹ )
Me sitting anxiously in place pretending to be amazed by the story, and reacting with kind cheerfulness and a big smile. (◍•ᴗ•◍)
All I can actually think about: "I m@sturbated under it- aaaaaah" ಠ◡ಠ
Couldn't believe how much of a bad mood my work mate was in this morning. So I decided to ask him what was the matter and if everything was OK with his wife, Flo.
He then broke down crying and said when he got home the night before, he caught his wife in bed with the plumber. I tried to console him as best as I could, but he just couldn't get over flow.
A girl and a boy were on a date. The boy kept farting. The girl asked, "What is wrong?!?". The boy replied, "Explosive diarrhea.". The girl said, "Ew".
The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. The center of the explosion, the bathroom.
A fireman, a policeman, and a carpenter went on a fishing trip. The fireman and the policeman both have the same father but different mothers, and they are half-brothers. But the fireman and the carpenter have the same mother and father, but they are not brothers. How is this possible?
Leave you answer in the comments. The answer will be revealed in 24 hours.
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)