Relationship jokes
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
My girlfriend told me her lips were dry, and she had the audacity to get mad at me for telling her to walk.
What's fat and wanks over his mom?
Guy Sheppard.
Thing to say during sex, "grab his dick and twist it!"
Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...
Every time I come in the kitchen, my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food, like the fried chicken, the mashed potatoes, the collard greens, mac and cheese, and the cornbread.
Then I said I wanna eat some of that shit. I love soul food. Then I told her, "You keep it up; your fat ass is going to be big like the house on Haunted Hill."
Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.
Life is like a penis.
Women make it hard.
You know why they call me 007?
0 girls.
0 chances.
7 restraining orders.
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
Why can't an orphan have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy."
I just figured out the "X" in Max stands for the button on Tinder every girl wants to press when they see him.
Are you Paris, 'cause Eiffel for you.
Lady: Will you fuck me?
Man: No, I don’t have a penis.
Lady pulls down man's pants and looks in them. "Yes, you do!" she says.
Man: Oh, I forgot it was there.
When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:
"Enjoy the little things."
Why does Adam sleep early so his mum and stepdad can fuck on his bed?
POV: Your dad is gone.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad. LMAO.
I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."
She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?
A unicycle can only take one person at a time.