Relationship jokes

I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?

Wanna touch my shirt? It's made of boyfriend/girlfriend/partner material.

Your dad? Oh wait, you don’t have that!

I'm throwing an orgy for people on antidepressants.

Let me know if you can't cum.

Why are friends a lot like snow?

If you pee on them, they disappear.

Don't take my posts seriously, take them like your ex took you—as a joke.

"Vladymoron Pootin and Drunkard Chump sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

I don't blame Amber Heard for wanting Elon Musk, especially if Johnny Depp is hairy and smells like a port-o-potty full of cigarettes and gunsmoke.

The emo kid wanted a high five. I left him hanging, so did the tree.

Why are orphans' funerals so small?

They have no loved ones.

As I was eating this girl out, I thought I tasted some horse semen... I exclaimed, "Oh, Grandma! That's how you died!"

Masochists and sadists are made for each other.

My dad left me, lol.

Why do orphans want to get married so bad?

To have someone to call "daddy."

Are you a haunted house?

Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.

To Mr. Nice Guy, you are nice, sweet, and caring! I am so grateful to be your friend!

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

IDK! WHY?

To go see yo mama!

Congratulations! 10 years+ record of hide and seek with your parents, and they're still hiding!

They hide so well, they probably forgot about you. Mwah. <3