Relationship jokes
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched her thigh and said, "Do you wanna?" Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and they had some fun.
But silly Jill forgot her pills, and so they had a son.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
Today a girl asked me how big my dick is, so I asked how big her pussy is, and she said, "Come over to my house and find out!"
What do you get when you cross mums and makeup?
Beauty!
I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you haven't told her twice already.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.
My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.
I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"
I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"
Love you.
What did the mom say to her house? "I love you"
When I become a parent, I’m gonna regurgitate my food to feed my children.
It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.
Wanna hear a good joke?
My dad’s love for me.
What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?
One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
It's not my fault my cousin's hot ;) YEE YEE
When I see two lovers' names on a tree, I don’t find it cute or funny. I think, why would they be bringing a knife on a date?
There's a plane crash. Every single person died.
Who lived? The married people!
Why can't an orphan have sex?
Because they can't scream "daddy!"
Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?
A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.
Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy," to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, I'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy."
If they made a movie about your sex life, what would it be?
In Afghanistan, it would be "Twelve Years a Slave!" 🤣