Relationship jokes

What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?

The pizza guy shows up when you call him.

I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.

If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.

If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.

"Dad, did you get a haircut?"

"No, I got them all cut!"

Brings a whole new meaning to brotherly love.

The kid's dad was a magician because he disappeared and never came back.

I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.

The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"

Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.

I hate adopted kids. They are ugly and stupid, lmao.

Ur mom loves to eat logs, lmao.

My mate Noha.

If you can't see your family... you're an orphan.

Chump obviously wants to divorce Melania and marry Pootin, lmfao.

Why did the orphan cheat on his girlfriend with a guy?

Because he wanted someone to call "Mommy" and "Daddy."

Why do people play soccer?

Because people need to kick harder to win a parent.

I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........

Timmy: Stupid motherfucker.

Jimmy: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Timmy: *starts crying*

Jimmy: Ah fuck, I did it again.

Your hairline [is] so bad even your mama left you.

So, one day I have a wife, but if it's getting a longer day, she is moving so weird, and I see she has sex with Rick Astley. 😂 [rickrolled]