Relationship jokes

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."

Luke asks his friend, "How old is your father?"

James replied, "He's as old as me."

Luke then said, "It doesn't make any sense."

James then said, "He became my father when I was born."

My love for you is like poop.

Whenever I feel you, I have to run to the toilet and flush you away.

Why did my parents walk to the other side?

...Why?

As we speak now, someone is making arrangements for December with your girlfriend.

You abuse me that I have no beards, but your sugar daddy shaved them off to look cute. 🤔

I like to make your mom jokes.

Because they're easy like your mom.

What does an orphan's family photo called?

A selfie.

My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"

I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."

She was amazed!

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

I suck Cyrus's dick when he is sleeping.

I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.

Your mom.

Your dad!

My mom went to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.

Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

What’s it called when an orphan takes a photo?

A family picture.

You're adopted.

I like my woman how I like my wine, just under 2 years old.

Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?

Myla: I went to a restaurant.

Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?

Timmy: I went to a concert.

Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?

Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.

What would Earth say if it had a boyfriend?

You need to com-it.