Relationship jokes
I tripped over my wife’s bra. It was a booby trap!
Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister.
My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(
"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:
Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.
Bros over hos.
A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
Palestinians leave without saying goodbye.
Israel says goodbye when the Americans say so.
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.
The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"
Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"
My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.
You know why you remind me of a calculator? Because 1+1 equals the two of us.
I told a girl she was cute, and she said, "Aw, tysm."
How does she know I have that?
Yo life so miserable, the adoption center wouldn't sell you, just give you away!
If you can't see your family... you're an orphan.
I like to make your mom jokes.
Because they're easy like your mom.
What does an orphan's family photo called?
A selfie.
My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"
I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."
She was amazed!
A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."
The kid's dad was a magician because he disappeared and never came back.