Relationship jokes
Fruit is like ex-wives.
They both look really good hanging from a tree.
Have you ever said no? Did they keep going?
One time in camp, I kissed my bunkmate Bret in the shower. He cupped my breasts and lathered them in Prell, but I'm totally not gay... :)
Your mom gay.
My wife purely hates me for me having sex with our daughter.
It's not my fault I couldn't wait to get out of the abortion clinic!
My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."
I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.
No one goes in there without my permission!
What's the difference between an orphan and Daniel Larusso?
At least Daniel has a mom.
What's the difference between a goat and a sex slave?
I don't have a slave in my sex dungeon.
Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.
What do you call sex with a hoover?
Clean sex.
Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.
How do I make my dick disappear?
I put it in your dad.
My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."
My brother thinks he's cool when he just SMELLS.
What do you and Joe Biden have in common?
Nobody loves you or him.
What did mum say when grandpa called?
Boomerang.
Why do orphans like fucking other dads?
Because they get to have a daddy.
I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.
Why aren't orphans gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."