Relationship Jokes

Why did the orphan cheat on his girlfriend with a guy?

Because he wanted someone to call "Mommy" and "Daddy."

I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........

Timmy: Stupid motherfucker.

Jimmy: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Timmy: *starts crying*

Jimmy: Ah fuck, I did it again.

So, one day I have a wife, but if it's getting a longer day, she is moving so weird, and I see she has sex with Rick Astley. 😂 [rickrolled]

Your hairline [is] so bad even your mama left you.

I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.

Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.

Chump obviously wants to divorce Melania and marry Pootin, lmfao.

Why do people play soccer?

Because people need to kick harder to win a parent.

Hi, are you even my sister?

Yes, I am.

No, you're not, because you never even existed as my sister.

Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure?"

That's a horrible thing to find out when you're adopted.

Why did the orphan misbehave in school?

Because the principal couldn't call their parents.

My brother: What are you looking at?

Me: A mistake.

My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"

Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.

So, two people are on a date and the guy says, "Wow, you are so beautiful!"

Then the girl says, "You just want to have sex!"

Then the guy adds, "SMART TO!"

Why do orphans want a sugar daddy?

They actually can call someone "daddy!"

This is just a bad emo pickup line, lmao.

Are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in!

Why can’t orphans be gay?

Because they have no daddy to call.

What is an orphan's family photo?

A selfie.

She’s got 20 dudes in her DMs telling her she is pretty. Stand out, call her ugly.

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.