Relationship jokes

Marriage is really educational.

When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.

A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.

First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.

Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"

Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."

How is a marriage like a hurricane?

In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.

I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."

My last best man's speech was like the marriage--short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.

What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?

He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.

Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.

Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."

My girlfriend got COVID.

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

What's the difference between three cocks and a joke?

Your mom can't take a joke.

The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)

When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...

A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”

A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.

So I brought her a new bathroom scale.

I was digging in my garden when I found this chest of gold coins.

I wanted to run inside to tell my wife what I found, but that's when I remembered why I was digging.

Son: Dad, where are you?

Dad: Getting another one.

Son: Getting what?

Dad: Dad.

Q: How many men does it take to open up a beer?

A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.

How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?

They flip it over.

"Karma is the guy on the Chiefs, Coming straight home to me."