Relationship jokes

Today, I asked my phone "Siri" why am I still single, and it activated the front camera.

My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"

Nana when Zane kisses her in her mind: [Insert Chiwawa Scream!]

My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!

Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

I read the chapter of numbers, but nowhere did I ever see your number.

Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

What's a lesbian's favorite weapon?

A finger-gun👉👌

How did a man know his wife died?

Dishis start piling up.

Your mum is so fat, all her relationships are long distance.

One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.

Your eyebrows are far from home just like your dad.

Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.

Me: Truth or dare?

Crush: Dare.

Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.

Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.

Me: Ok, what is your phone number?

A bully says, "I get 10x more girls than you" to a gay kid.

Then the gay kid says, "10 X 0 is still 0."

When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:

Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?

What’s the best part of fucking Noor’s vulva (btw Noor is black)? If my dick is right beside Mara’s vulva (btw Mara’s white and so am I).

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?

Can't elope.