Relationship jokes

The best and worst part about being bi:

Best: Double the love, double the fun.

Worst: Double the love, double the loneliness.

What do you call an orphan’s family reunion?

Me time.

What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?

"Where are the kids?"

How do you break up a fight between two gay men?

Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.

What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?

"I woke up Chris Breezy."

How did the Emo ask the other Emo out?

"Wanna hang together?"

A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."

The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"

The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."

My last best man's speech was like the marriage--short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?

Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.

What’s the difference between video games and my dad?

My dad doesn’t beat me.

What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?

"Do you want the cameras on or off?"

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I have five fingers, two of them are for you.

Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.

I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."

Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.

Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?

Answer; It's because that is where EVERYONE goes to "Hang Their Meat"!