Relationship jokes
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
What did Cinderella say to Prince Charming?
"Want to see if it fits?"
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A selfie.
My family is like treasure. I need a map and shovel to find them.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?
There is no difference.
If a heterosexual man wanted his dick sucked, what would a feminist say to him that a gay man would never say to him?
"Not now, I have a headache."
My family is like Donkey Kong: a real pain in the ass.
Hi, I did not text back to text her and dad, now I’m texting her. Now I’m.
Why don't chickens and sheep get along?
Because they have beef between them.
What's the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot?
A man will actually look for the golf ball.
Ya nan!
Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.
I like my dynamite like I like my woman: hot and ready to explode.
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.
Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."
Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."
"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."
Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."
A woman once didn't return home for the night, and the next morning when she arrived home, her husband started questioning her about where she had been. She lied, saying she slept at one of her friends' houses.
The man proceeded to call all her friends, all of whom denied her sleeping at their places the previous night.
Meanwhile, somewhere else, a man didn't return home to his wife for the night either. The following morning, his wife started questioning him, and he lied, saying he slept at a friend's house. She proceeded to call all his friends. All of them said that he indeed slept at their places the previous night, and one of them even insisted that he's still there, but he's using the bathroom and he can't talk right now!
What's the hardest part about sex with a Thai girl?
Her, probably.
Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.
What do you call a gay man that performs fellatio on a man and cunnilingus on a woman, a person who is curious about male bisexuality, a man that is bicurious?
Does it cycle now?
Q: Why are orphans so scared to get married?
A: They don't know what it feels like to have a family.
Yo mama so fat, when you married your sister, she was big enough to sit on the groom's side and the bride's side.