Relationship jokes

At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.

I approached her in the checkout line and said, "Yo baby wassup?"

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You a dumb a** b*tch, We all know it's true.

A kid came from school. His mother said, "What did you do in school?" The boy replied, "I had sex with my teacher." She said, "OH MY GOD, GO TO YOUR ROOM, WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD COMES!" He waited, then his dad walked in and said, "Your mother told me what you did. I'm proud of you, son. Let's go buy you a bicycle." When they arrived to the store, the dad said, "Try out and see which seat is the comfortable." The boy said, "I can't, my butt is sore." Dad said, "Why is your butt sore?" The Boy said, "Because I had sex with my teacher."

I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"

A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.

His wife was up waiting for him.

"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.

He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."

I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.

He hugged me!

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

What does a girl want more than anything in the world?

Nothing. She's fine.

A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."

So an orphan played for a football team, and the coach said, "Your parents must be proud of you!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣

What do you say to a woman who is completely beaten up on her face, full of bruises, and has a broken jaw?

"Will you listen now?!??"

This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I only do anal, I thought you knew.

I like women how I like my hair dryer: locked in a closet most of the time and only being used to blow me dry.

Your mum gay.

Kate: Can we have a threesome?

Trevor: Sure.

The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.

I broke up with my emo girlfriend yesterday, look who came crawling back!

How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?

Call her on the phone.

The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)