Relationship jokes

She'd suck my dick and let me suck her tits.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be a jaeger, will you be my kaiju?

Roses are red, violets are blue, my bed has room for 2 ;)

What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.

What instrument do people like to listen to while having sex?

A sex-a-phone.

Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!

"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."

My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.

Then I asked him how many years ago.

He replied with, "When were you born?"

What song does an orphan hate?

"We Are Family."

My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.

I went out with this girl the other night. She wore this real slinky number. She especially looked great going down the stairs.

I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.

Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.

My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."

A wife asks her husband: Am I pretty or ugly?

The husband answers her: Pretty.

The wife responds: Thank yo-

The husband interrupts her: Pretty ugly!

If you got a crush and you are a 👧🏻 girl, let him lick 👅 your vagina.

Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

School Rizz:

You are my exam. I am always thinking about you but never making a move.

Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.

I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"