Relationship jokes

Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?

Mom: Shut up and keep licking.

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.

My ex-wife still misses me...

BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER!

Girlfriend: Am I pretty or ugly?

Boyfriend: You're both!

Girlfriend: What do you mean by that?

Boyfriend: You're pretty ugly!!!

What do you say after committing incest?

No Chromo!

"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."

"What was your first impression on him?"

"I told him, she calls me daddy too."

I told my sister I was into incest. She took it really hard. 😉😏

I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.

As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."

Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.

Why are women like hurricanes?

They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.

Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?

Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."

Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex, but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. "Tomato" means harder and "cheese" means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming, "Tomato, tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese, cheese," then my little brother said, "Can y’all stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed."

"How is your long distance relationship going?" -- "So far, so good."

You're at your girlfriend's house for a family dinner. Your GF says, "Daddy, please pass me the salt," when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.

Hey Siri, where is my dad?

Your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.

HAH, jokes on you! My dad’s in the kitchen!

Your mom’s husband is in the kitchen, your dad is in a strip club in Las Vegas.

...WhAT-

I got mad at my sister's boyfriend, so I fucked his girl.

Bully: "Shut up and give me your money, otherwise I will tell everyone that you are still a virgin."

Boy: "Haha, I am not a virgin anymore."

Bully: "Haha, nice joke."

Boy: "If you don't believe then ask your sister or brother."

Bully: "Hah, I don't have any sibling."

Boy: "Will just wait for 9 months then u will know."

Why did the male orphan decide to be gay?

Because he wanted someone to call "daddy."

A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."