Relationship Jokes

Like this if you are a single Pringle like me

What do girls and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

an orphan is like marriage. the kid is always the reason for divorce. the kid always the reason for his parents leaving him

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling

What does a relationship and suicidal thoughts have in common? They’ll both end soon.

What does a lesbian bring on the second date?

A U-Haul.

I want to date depression cuz at least ik they wont leave me

Gf- You are a drug. Bf- Why cause you are addicted to me? Gf- No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana.

i hooked up with the groom at my uncle's wedding

Man to woman: Would you sleep with me for one million dollars? Woman: Sure. Man: How about for ten dollars? Woman: What do you think I am? Man: We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price.

How did the cow break up with the other cow? He said he moo-ved on

My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.

Im at my happiest point in life im dating someone thats autistic, and i was just saying i needed someone special in my life.

When your girlfriend has an abortion, it's kinda like dodging your own bullets.

My Crush: I cut 4 inches of my hair yesterday Me: So? My Crush 4 Inches is alot! Me: Oh yeah?

My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.