Relationship jokes

Are you feeling down? Because I wanna feel you up.

What did the brother say to the other brother? "You are brother, brother."

Why is the divorce rate among socks so high?

How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.

Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?

Why were condoms invented? So gay guys can have sword fights.

I looked at my daughter. I told her what's wrong.

She said I wasn't being a daddy to her until...

Well, the "HOLE" story is, I shoved it up her hole.

Gwen pegs Xavier.

Why do I f*** my mom?

Like father like son. #batabababa

I'm like a teddy bear. I don't like to be fucked.

Orphans can be gay, no problem, because they have no one to disown them.

So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."

What did the toaster say to the bread?

"I want you inside me!"

I tripped over my wife’s bra. It was a booby trap!

You know why you remind me of a calculator? Because 1+1 equals the two of us.

Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”

Man: “Am I dying?”

Doctor: “No, your wife is.”

My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."

If you are having sex and your feet are out of the tent, it doesn't count.

I told a girl she was cute, and she said, "Aw, tysm."

How does she know I have that?