So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
Bully: "Nobody loves you."
Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?
Mom: Shut up and keep licking.
My ex-wife still misses me...
BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER!
How do emos propose?
"Would you like to join my family tree?"
Girlfriend: Am I pretty or ugly?
Boyfriend: You're both!
Girlfriend: What do you mean by that?
Boyfriend: You're pretty ugly!!!
Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."
"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."
"What was your first impression on him?"
"I told him, she calls me daddy too."
I told my sister I was into incest. She took it really hard. 😉😏
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.
So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.
Why are women like hurricanes?
They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
What do you say after committing incest?
No Chromo!
Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex, but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. "Tomato" means harder and "cheese" means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming, "Tomato, tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese, cheese," then my little brother said, "Can y’all stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed."
"How is your long distance relationship going?" -- "So far, so good."
What did Chris Brown say when he saw Rihanna?
"I'd hit that."
