Relationship jokes

There's nothing stronger than love, except for an M32 Rotary Grenade Launcher because fuck you and everyone near you.

I love pussy.

My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.

I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"

Stop it with the "yo mama" jokes. They are just offensive.

I first saw her in the Walmart picking out your drawers.

There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.

What is a pizza that an orphan can’t have?

A family pizza.

Two people stood in one room. The first guy stared at the second.

First guy: “Sorry I had to punch you. It was a game, bro.”

Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”

I am sooooooo bored, Gwen, can you please get on, or anybody, since I'm weirdly obsessed with Gwen.

I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...

Because you already look ugly.

Tell your mom happy last night. 🍆 in my bed.

FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.

So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...

Evan, me and your mom are done with you.

Must be heartwrenching for a loyal husband to watch his wife dry shagging me on the living room carpet.

I mean, once she started, she couldn't get enough.

Do you know the teacher that went up into space?

You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."

What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?

I don’t turn on a light switch.

Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought you can mix too.

Your mom.

Rapboat has to drug his own drink to get laid.

Orphan: Can I come over?

Girl: Yeah, but you have to bring your parents.