Relationship jokes
How do you get two deaf people from fighting?
Turn off the lights and walk out.
Why won't my boyfriend eat my pie? His brother made it.
What are the best kind of fruit for twins? Pears 🍐
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.
When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"
What’s the difference between a woman and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
My girlfriend left a note on the TV saying, "This isn't working!" I don't know what she's talking about, the TV works perfectly fine.
Do you work at Subway? Because you turn my 6 inch into a footlong.
My uncle hid my weed, so I hid his wheelchair.
My friends told me to stop making suicide jokes, so I hanged on.
I had sex with a disabled girl. You can say I handiclapped those cheeks.