Relationship jokes
BF: Babe, I have two questions.
GF: Ok, ask!
BF: Where have you been all my life?
GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?
BF: Can you please go back there?
If you're happy and you know it, f*** your mom.
What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."
Coworker: Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Coworker: Not your parents.
I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.
My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
Boy: Will you remember me in a minute?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a day?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a year?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Knock knock.
Mom: Who's there?
Boy: Bitch, you forgot me.
Why do skeletons like having sex with short girls before eating?
They like to bone a petite.
Why can't an orphan be gay? Because they have no one to call "daddy."
If I fall in love with my depression, maybe it'll leave me too.
(Took this from my other account @Toby :) btw)
I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.
I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."
What did the snail say to his ex-wife?
"I'm still leaving you!"
What’s the difference between a job and a wife?
The job keeps sucking after 5 years.
If Kenny had a son, we all know he would also be his brother.
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
You are my compass; without you, I’m lost.
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.