Relationship jokes

Why do orphans hate Dom Toretto?

Because it's all about family!

My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction, so I packed up my stuff and left. Right?

I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!

Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!

How do you suck a dick?

Stick it down your throat like Nicholas does with Dennis.

I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.

Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?

It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.

I want to date depression cuz at least I know they won't leave me.

What's thick, 12 inches, and in your mum's throat?

My penis.

What do you think of your mom? I have to go now and tyyyytt.

A limbless man sat on the side of a lake everyday. He had no hands or legs.

One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay.

He replied, "No." The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?" The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever." So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked. "No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before." The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?" The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."

The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"

It’s nice hitting it from the back when my wife has wide hips.

Her butt cheeks look like big huge ball sacks as my thighs smack up against them when I’m thrusting. I like to finish off by grinding my weiner up and down her back like a gay man frotting his schlong on his partner’s ding dong.

If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.

So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked at me surprised.

(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)

"Hey, tie your shoes! I don’t want you falling for anyone else."

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?

Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.

Your mom walked into a bar and broke all the furniture.

Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.

Yo' mama is a joke.

Yo mama so nasty, she gave yo daddy head, then gave you a kiss good night.