Relationship jokes
I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.
I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,
It's great being a sniper.
I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.
I like telling jokes about orphans. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."
Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.
He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"
She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."
My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.
The other day my brother hit me. I yelled for mom. No one responded.
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
Why do skeletons like having sex with short girls before eating?
They like to bone a petite.
What do you call a selfie of an orphan? A family photo.
My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."
Why can’t orphans have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy."
Who makes the best anteaters?
Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.