Relationship jokes
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?
They both cannot see their family.
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
Because he had no body to go with.
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.
My uncle hid my weed, so I hid his wheelchair.
You don't have to worry about running while boys are around. Even I can't see anything there.
Know what a 6.9 is?
Another good thing screwed up by a period.
When your boy tries to have a bad day while you're on your period:
Oh, you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg, and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue?
I keep trying to call my emo friend. They keep hanging up.
Me: Pretend your name is “puberty.”
Friend: Ok?
Me: I'mma hit puberty!
*hits my friend*
There was a girl called Millie, and she had sexy blond hair, and she wanted to chase me, but I told her she had to catch me first if she loves me.
What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."
A boy in nursery asked a girl out. She ran away crying in fear, so he just went back to teaching.
So, I accidentally just tipped over my paralyzed sister.
A bully says, "I get 10x more girls than you" to a gay kid.
Then the gay kid says, "10 X 0 is still 0."
"Hey, today was great!"
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car!"
Mom, am I adopted?
What? No. "In head" No, dah, bitch.
A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...
"Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"
Roses are red,
Potatoes are brown,
Your mom's so hot,
I put her down.