I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.
Yo momma so fat that it was hard to find the G spot and slip her one at night.
Your hairline bent like the relationship with your mom and dad.
I got a pen for my baby sister. Best trade I made so far.
Why don't emo girls date emo boys? Cause they've already got a pussy.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
Listen, my brothers, if you see a photo of her with another person,
Just go to her house and shoot her with your AK47.
Why do orphans cry alone?
They do not have a mom's lap to sit on and a shoulder to cry on.
What's the similarity between an orphan and my dick?
They both will die alone.
Doctor Seuss break up lines:
"One fish, two fish, blue fish, red fish, I'm breaking up with you, bitch."
I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested its factuality.
Well, it's been some good years now, haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.
Roses are red, clovers are green.
I love your legs and what's in between. LOL
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Mary."
"Mary who?"
"Marry me!"
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
Are you still a virgin?
If you do IT
With no one?
I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
When you're in a cage But it's not real!
Being in a cage But you have the key.
Being in a cage But nobody sees you.
Being outside of a cage, but it's empty.
Living and realizing you've been born into one.
Thinking someone cared about you But turns out they're toxic as fu**.
But you can't live without them.
The cage Is you. You have the key But you don't know how to use it.
The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."
What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.
