Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.
Why don't orphans get dad jokes?
Because they don't have a dad to tell them.
The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"
The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"
The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"
The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"
The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"
It's like your hairline and your forehead had a disagreement.
Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me?
Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you!
Kid 1: Aw, do you love me?
Kid 2: No!
Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.
Roses are red,
My nuts are bigger than your small balls, that's why I get all the bitches.
One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.
Your mum is so fat, all her relationships are long distance.
I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.
Sometimes women are like bad snacks. People try them and then chuck them in the trash.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, grabbed her thigh, and said, "You know you wanna." Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a daughter.
Haha, I fucked you over!
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car, then didn't talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason.
When an orphan takes a pic, is it known as a family picture? 📸
Why did 6 hate 7?
Because 7 ate 9!
Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?
Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.
The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!
Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.
Girlfriend: "Would you still love me if I was a figment of your imagination?"
My schizophrenic ass: Of course I would.
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
