What’s the difference between a hooker and a cat?
I haven’t banged a hooker.
Boy, if you don't get your "I'm Burger King with my Burger Queen!"
There was an orphan once, and someone knocks on his door and said, "Hello, son, come and hug me." But the orphan says, "Excuse me, who are you?" and the guy says, "You don't remember me? I'm your dad." And then the orphan says, "Fine then, if you're really my dad, come inside and let me ask you some questions." And the man says, "OK then, but I am really your dad." Then the orphan asked some questions to the man, and the man gets some of them right, so the orphan believes that the man is his dad. And then the orphan says, "You really are my dad?" and then he shows his dad his house, and the orphan has a roommate, and the dad and the orphan finally get to the bedroom, and then the dad knocks out the orphan, and then the dad starts to have something with the orphan/son, and the roommate hears weird noises in the orphan's/son's room, and he walks in and sees them having sex, and the roommate records it but then kicks the dad out of the house, and then the roommate shares the video to the orphan's school chat, and then the next day the dad gets arrested because he was actually a gay nonce, and everybody at the orphan's school calls him gay, but he really isn't, but since he was mad and disgusted, he pulled an AK47 out of his bag and kills everybody in the school and was never seen again.
Btw this is a joke so don't take it seriously.
I had sex with my dog once, and my cat hissed at me for not doing her.
What has 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 eyes, 2 breasts for milking, and a hole to fill with my 9 inches?
A sexy female.
My sister: You were born ugly.
Me: I'm not a mirror, sis.
"Uwu daddy."
Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.
Little Johnny was learning about anal sex, when he learned what it was he said, "My uncle just calls this shhhhh..."
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
girl ... you are so ugly that when you look in the mirror it shattered : more than your relationship.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.
The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)
At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
A father came to his daughter's 18th birthday. He finally came.
Her name was Lola.
She was a loner.
At the Copa.
Then I saw her,
And I got a boner.
The next morning,
She couldn't remember if I banged her.
Her Name was Lola. She was a loner. At the Copa I saw her And I just wanted to bone her!
My friend dumped me, so I stole their wheelchair.
Have a guess who came crawling back?
