Relationship jokes
A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."
Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?
Answer; Because it's where everyone goes to "Hang Their Meat"!
Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.
"Just ditched a woman. Feelin' good!" -Techno
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
"Mhm... So you're gay?" -Darling
Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
What’s the key to a successful relationship?
Consent.
Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.
"Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?"
They say birds of a feather flock together, so I guess that’s why Kris and common sense haven’t met yet.
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.
The dad finally came back with the milk!
Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.
I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."
What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?
Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?
A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.
When's the only time a rapeboat is quiet? When he got his uncle's cock in his mouth.
Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?
Slade must be WiFi... because I’m not feeling a CONNECTION.