Girl Dad where are you Dad I went to go get. Milk Girl but we have milk Dad I know I just don't love you
When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."
Imagine someone leaving a cut-out of Jeff Bezos on your car after you found out your blind bf cheated on you, and the McDonald's employee says over the speaker, "Weren't expecting him to see other hoes were you?"
when your girlfriend tells you shes a guy "what bitch naw hell no"
Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.
wife: stop telling rape jokes, its not funny. husband: who raped you this morning?
My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach. She asked me why the hell did I did that. I told her I wanted to let her know I’m pro abortion.
Never break a girl's/boy's/someone's heart. They only have one of them.
Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
If you have a GF/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say "Your short lemme add some inches"
I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.
She said, "but the world is round."
I said, babe, you are my world.
🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦁🦁🦁🐩🐖🐒🐷🐵🐎+/;!¥/%?Fuckfuckfuuk of your own is also a joke about your relationship with Google and Twitter users who don't know what they think of their own personal life and the way they have been involved since the last few years of debate is the only thing
Helen Keller once dated a brick wall.
Q: What happens when emo's make out?
A: They don't they just hang out
why did ur emo mom get u? to have someone to hang out with.
I have an exam next week so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips
Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regretted it. She left him too.
Girlfriend:Babe what do yo think of our love? Me:Look at the stars in the sky Girlfriend:aww... it’s infinity right? Me:No,it’s a waste of time. Girlfriend:I’m breaking up with you. Me:Whatever when I take out the trash I think of you
Sister: You're adopted.
Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(
