Relationship jokes
"Just ditched a woman. Feelin' good!" -Techno
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
"Mhm... So you're gay?" -Darling
Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
What’s the key to a successful relationship?
Consent.
Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.
"Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?"
They say birds of a feather flock together, so I guess that’s why Kris and common sense haven’t met yet.
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
When I have sex, my girlfriend screams, especially when I walk in on her.
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.
The dad finally came back with the milk!
Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.
I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."
What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?
Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?
A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.
When's the only time a rapeboat is quiet? When he got his uncle's cock in his mouth.
Who needs dating apps when you have family reunions?
Slade must be WiFi... because I’m not feeling a CONNECTION.
Leo is like a cloud... when she disappears, it's a beautiful day.
Wanna play dolls?
I can be Ken, and you can be the box I come in.
I’m really good at algebra. I can replace your X without even asking Y.