Relationship jokes

My screen lock is my favorite picture of my wife. When I'm on a 14-hour shift, being miserable, hating my life... I pull out my phone and gaze at the picture of my wife. Then I realize it's better here than at home with her ass.

What’s worse than finger banging your sister?

Finding your dad’s wedding ring.

Rapboat has to drug his own drink to get laid.

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?

"Do you want the cameras on or off?"

A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"

She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."

Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"

You like kissing boys, don't you?

"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."

My wife hates that I have no sense of direction.

So I packed up my stuff and went right.

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex on a scale of 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, and she kept shouting “9!”

That's the best I've done so far.

Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?

They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome.

I want my first time to be special.

How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?

He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.

What's one thing your dad shares with black men? Your sister.

What’s the difference between rap lovers and the Gigachad?

Rap lovers get more pussy.

My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?

They’re both in my bed.

My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!

I just had sex...

I think I nailed it!

(Shit joke, I know.)

Boys are like minis.

Girls are like big pots.

Minis always come first. Don't think about sex boys, be men.