When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.
Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*
She has cancer.
Your mum stinks of disabled people.
Wanna know why?
I don't know either, you tell me.
"Karma is the guy on the Chiefs, Coming straight home to me."
Roses are red... Violets are blue... I feel like I'm gonna get raped next to you.
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you never turn your back on family.
The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.
Your hairline is so far back, just like your dad is from you.
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
For my girlfriend and friends to chat :)
How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.
Son: Dad, where are you?
Dad: Getting another one.
Son: Getting what?
Dad: Dad.
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."
Raju: How about you, Sunil?
Do you know?
Sanju: Sunil is my long distance
is a brother.
Raju: Long brother?
Sanju: Yes, because I live in Ratnagiri and he lives in Nagpur.
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
I said I was going to my flat. I really meant your girl.
Frenid: R u gay?
Me: Yes u
Frenid: No I am bi.
Me: Dang it!
Frenid: What?
Me: I like u.
Frenid: Ok I like u to.
