New Relationship Jokes - Page 13

I want a relationship *Masturbates* I don't want a relationship

When you meet your gf at the family reunion

I caught the flowers at a wedding-now married to a hot guy. But then i caught andit at a funeral i kinda nervo...............

Vladymoron Pootin and Drunkard Chump sittin in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G

A man died and went to heaven, everytime you cheat you get a worse car, the first man cheated 5 times he got a jeep, the second man cheat 3 times he got a BMW, the third man never cheated he got a Lamborghini, the second man saw the third man sad he said "why are you sad" the third man said "I saw my wife with a scooter".

Foreplay in may areas: "You awake?" ; and way down South : "You awake, mom?"

Why is sex like math?

You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.

Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

A: You slap her.

all i wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise* unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self

I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.

As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."

Oooh, I fall apart Oooh, yeah, mmhmm She told me that I'm not enough, yeah And she left me with a broken heart, yeah She fooled me twice and it's all my fault, yeah She cut too deep, now she left me scarred, yeah Now there's too many thoughts goin' through my brain, yeah And now I'm takin' these shots like it's Novocaine, yeah Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, didn't know it before Surprised when you caught me off guard All this damn jewelry I bought You was my shorty, I thought Never caught a feelin' this hard Harder than the liquor I pour Tell me you don't want me no more But I can't let go Everybody told me so Feelin' like I sold my soul Devil in the form of a whore Devil in the form of a whore You said it No, you said it No, you said it We'd be together Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, didn't know it before Surprised when you caught me off guard All this damn jewelry I bought You was my shorty, I thought Ice keep pourin' and the drink keep flowin' Try to brush it off but it keep on goin' Covered in scars and I can't help showin' Whippin' in the foreign and the tears keep blowin' Ice keep droppin' and the drink keep flowin' Try to brush it off but it keep on goin' All these scars, can't help from showin' Whippin' in the foreign and the tears keep blowin', yeah Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, didn't know it before Surprised when you caught me off guard All this damn jewelry I bought You was my shorty, I thought

A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”

I just read an article that Texas is number one in the nation for both depression and infidelity in relationships. It's a sad state of affairs.

My ex was orphan as a child I should have taken that as the first sign. If her parents didn't want her, why would I.

My wife says s*x is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.

rape isn't a joke. it's a type of way of making friends, and to mate with other women. it's a way of art, and works on anybody! like this if you agree.