Relationship jokes
When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?
Because they aren't family!
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
What’s the best thing about making out with dead girls?
They can’t say no.
My friend called me fat, so I challenged him to a running race.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
If you've spent less time inside your mother than your father has, you just might be from Alabama!
My wife said I have no sense of direction.
I said, "Where did that come from?"
What do you get when you cross a butt with a phone?
A booty call.
Why did the booty break up with the fart?
It was just too much GASLIGHTING.
Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?
Answer; It's because that is where EVERYONE goes to "Hang Their Meat"!
What’s the difference between 3 cocks and my sister?
My sister can’t take a joke about cocks in bed.
"Yo mama so bad we gotta switch to yo papa."
What do sex and food have in common?
My sister makes it better than my cousin.
My girlfriend used to give the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
What is the difference between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when an abled-bodied gay male is receiving an anonymous blow job from a physically disabled gay male under the handicapped stall at a rest area.
Perverted is when an abled-bodied gay male has to give a Klondike Bar to a physically disabled gay male to receive an anonymous blow job under the handicapped stall at a rest area.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.