What's one thing your dad shares with black men? Your sister.
What’s the difference between rap lovers and the Gigachad?
Rap lovers get more pussy.
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
My friend's dad went to jail. He's just surprised because he can finally find him!
I just had sex...
I think I nailed it!
(Shit joke, I know.)
Boys are like minis.
Girls are like big pots.
Minis always come first. Don't think about sex boys, be men.
This is not a joke. Stop online dating.
You know my first name, but don’t worry about it; you’ll only be screaming my first.
What has 4 hairy legs and fucks my sister?
Me & my dad!
"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."
Why are lesbians bad at math?
Because they can't multiply.
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?
Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.
Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.
So I don’t get pepper sprayed.
The couple next door made a porn film.
They don’t know it yet.
My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.
So I had him bring my wife.
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
What’s worse than banging your sister?
Having to wear your dad’s wedding ring.
My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.
I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.
