Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."
Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.
Literally every movie:
"I love you" "I love u too"
My life:
My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes u!" Him: "wtf I have a grilfriend sorry not sorry" His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country". 😶
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.
I always keep anti fungal spray with me....coz I don't want to share my gf with anyone
BF: Babe, I have two questions.
GF: Ok, ask!
BF: Where have you been all my life?
GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?
BF: Can you please go back there?
What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
Why does sisters have to be in a relationship because you don’t have to worry about your car
What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter
I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf he said on a special website
So two people are on a date and the guy says “wow you are so beautiful” then the girl says “you just want to have sex” then the guy adds “SMART TO!”
How to get a girl in three steps: Step 1: grab a pillow Step 2: grab a blanket Step 3: keep dreaming
Hickory dickory dock. My wife avoids my cock. She's losing her and having an affair. So I had to slap Chris Rock.
Hey girl are you an orphan? Oh that’s right I’m your daddy.
My uncle and I have some what of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.
My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.
Thomas Jefferson’s 80th b-day bash be like: Jackson: CALHOUN! YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME - IN BED WITH THE CONSTITUTION???
I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.
I needn't have bothered.
The next day, it was smeared all over my face.
When your so rich that you can buy anything you end up getting a cow in your living room yeah anyways my ex is still in my living room
What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?
I don't care if she has either.
Orphans want girlfriends to call someone Mommy
