Relationship jokes
Kidnapper: Hey kid, your mom told me to follow me.
Orphan: But I don't have a mom!
Me and your mom in the bed.
What borders on stupidity?
Scotland and the EU.
My sister Wani is a dwarf, so I sit on her as a chair.
Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"
Girlfriend: "No."
Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"
How do I make my dick disappear?
I put it in your dad.
What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?
Not all are friends.
My wife said she wanted to leave me. She said it’s because of the abuse, but really, she’s the one abusing herself by drinking alcohol and got poisoning the next day. This shows almost half of the woman’s population is weak both physically and mentally.
Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.
My mum told me to take out the trash, but I couldn’t find you.
I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.
Why is Bill the bad guy?
Monica wanted to suck dick.
How did my dad know I was gay?
He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.
Why can't I get a girlfriend?
Because I'm a beta male simp.
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.
Guess the joke.
Your girlfriend.
You are like my girlfriend: imaginary and non-existent.
What do you call lesbians having sex?
My cheating dyke ex-wife!
What do you call sex with a hoover?
Clean sex.