I like my wife like I like my coffee: so sweet, it gives me headaches.
Relationship Jokes
My girlfriend's name is Candice.
Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D
A white guy was telling his friend about this girl he hooked up with. His friend asks, "Did you get her number?"
He replies, "No, but it's okay, I'll see her at the next family reunion!"
What do you call my sister?
Suicidal.
Wife: “I want another baby.”
Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one!”
My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,
It's great being a sniper.
My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To find their way to the store to see their dad.
Me: Mom, we made a cake.
Bully: Guess what?
Me: What?
Bully: Nobody cares!
Me: Yeah, nobody cares about you!
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me eating a banana with my butt........
IMAGINE!
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to climb Mt. Dew.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.
Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂
If you know it, you know it.
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address, and my phone number.
Why can’t an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call “daddy.”
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Your mom." "Your mom who?" "It's not your mom, it's my mom!"
People tell me to be nice to orphans, so I say, "What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
A brother and a sister always kept fighting. One day the brother said, "You're adopted!"
Then the sister replies, "At least they wanted me!"
The brother yells back, "Well, at first, when they didn't know you'd turn out like this."
