Me: *finds out my dad's an orphan*
No one:
Literally no one:
Me: Time to make his life hell.😈
My stepsister is a big titty goth. Should I tap that?
My friend and I got into a fight. I looked straight forward and said, "Look me in my eyes!"
What starts with M, ends with arriage, and is every guy's favorite thing? Miscarriage.
That one never gets old, just like the baby.
"Where are you? I need to throw you out because Mum said to take out the trash."
What did the feather say to his wife?
You light my day.
What do Nemo and my dad have in common?
They both can't be found.
What do you call an emo dating another emo?
The suicide duo.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your mom's house.
Knock knock.
You: Who's there?
Your new father!
Why can't an orphan have sex?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."
Dad: Johnny, Johnny?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Getting women?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Telling lies?
Johnny: No, Papa.
Dad: Well, you're 100% lying because you get NO WOMEN!
Some kid online: I f*cked your mom.
Me, an orphan: Jokes on you, I don’t have one!
Amber Heard Daily Routine:
Get out of bed, drink coffee, take a shit on Johnny Depp's bed.
What does a deaf person and an orphan have in common? They both can’t hear their parents.
Why can’t an orphan go to Family Dollar? They don’t have a family.
Don’t mess with an emo because if their friends pull up, you gotta fight the suicide squad.
Why do orphans like belts?
They remind them of their father.
What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."
"Cummy wummy all over my mummy."
What color is Sonic's ball?
Blue because he keeps getting rejected.
Yeah, Eli is hot.
My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."
