Red jokes

What’s red, 11 inches, and makes my girlfriend cry when I slap her with it?

Her miscarriage.

Little Red Riding Hood says to the wolf: "What a big dick you have!"

Wolf: "The better to f*** you with!"

When red do be sus, though.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, How many bananas can I fit, Maybe two?

What has 2 legs and is red all over?

Today my idiot brother screamed, "Ahhhhh, I'm dead!" But it wasn't really, so I decided to make it a reality until my sister came...

AND HELPED ME! - for once, but then two minutes later my mom showed up. We killed him right in front of her, and she screamed! "Donuts and pizza for you and more if you go to Mrs. Roberts' house and say hi and bye to Daddy!!!!!" And she hands us both a sharp tool, and I say, "What about Tommy??!!! Aren't you MAD!!!!!!!" Then she replied, "Who's THAT!!??? Coz he ain't mine. His name is Tommy, Tommy Roberts."

So then me and my sister visit Mrs. Roberts, and she said, "Oh, this isn't anything important. Go home!" So then my sister and I say hi! and do a countdown. After that my Nike white jumper had turned red! IT WAS A MUCH BETTER COLOUR, MUM SEEMED TO APROVE AS WELL! 😊😊😊 But then the police question us where daddy was, so then Mom said....................... oh he's moved on! So then the police officer was like, "Ahem, ma'm where!" SO THEN I BELLOWED.......................... UP - UR -A##. And we got let off the hook, then we moved oh and we k!lled the cop 2 and oh did i meantion we HAD a maid, and a landlord and a cat but they were all 2 annoying so we got rid of them and now our new backyard is very smellyyy and i dont think there is enoff space to put muummy anymore so now i dont think sissy will fit either🧐 i will ask my neibour nessy she'll obviously say YES or ill........................................

ok like for part two☺☺☺

What's the difference between a red Ferrari and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a red Ferrari in my car.

Roses are red, violets are blue, My name is Bucky, And I am stucky.

Roses are red, get on your knees, and bark for me!

Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?

Because your mother has diabetes.

How do make an adult cry?

Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.

I am a God. Na, na, na, na, na, na. Yeah.

She's got makeup by the mirror in her bedroom, Thigh-high fishnets and some black boots, Nose pierced with the cigarette perfume, Half dead, but she still looks so cute. She is a monster in disguise, And she knows all the words to the trap songs, Takes pic's with a cherry-red lipstick, Says she only dates guys with a big..., mmm

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm stuck on the Eston Front, And so are f***ing you.

Roses are red, her name is Lily, she bends over, and said "HARDER, DADDY!"

A woman went into her garden and danced in front of her vegetables.

The next morning, her corn didn’t grow, and the tomatoes didn’t blush or turn red, but the cucumbers grew four inches.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a Glock aimed at you.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

Depends how hard you can throw them.

My dick is red.

Your pussy's pink.

It's really tight

When you're dead.

What do you get when you cross a cow and the Kool-Aid Man? Donald Trump, cuz of his red face and juicy tits.

What has two legs and is red all over?

Half a cat.