Red jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue.
Shrek is ugly, but not uglier than you.
Roses are red, clovers are green.
I love your legs and what's in between. LOL
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet. And your mom is, too.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Cause comes near my Willy.
Friend: Ooo, I see Jessica.
Me: Nice.
Friend: She got some red on her shirt.
Me: Yeah, that's where the Titanic hit her :///
Roses are red, your cities are gone, I am Thomas the thermonuclear bomb.
What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?
A baby playing with a scalpel.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
Roses are red, Violets are fine. Why is your life So much better than mine?
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your wife needs Jon Grudon, too.
What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.
What's black, white, and red all over?
Lossvagus school shooting.
Roses are red, give me some limes, boy dies after masturbating 42 times.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.
Why do Indians have a red dot on their head?
Because they're recording.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You are so ugly, Do not tell me that is really you.
Jill went up to a bar to play a game of pool. Then Jack came in and asked Jill if she wanted to ride in his new car. She said, "I have to think." Then Jack said, "At least let me buy you a drink." After 5 drinks, he asked again. This time she said yes, so they got in the car and Jack and Jill rode up a hill to Jack's home. Then Jack said, "Close your eyes, I got a surprise!" So Jack lead Jill to his room then said, "Open your eyes!" So Jill opened her eyes, then Jack got them some red wine. Jack got drunk and unzipped his fly and Jack said, "I know you wanna." She said, "No way!" So Jack gave her one more drink, then she passed out. Then Jack ripped all his clothes off. Then he did the same to Jill. Then he did it till 3am.
What does it take to paint a wall red? Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
Depends how hard you can throw them.
How do you make people mad? You use the wrong category. It makes them go red.