Red jokes
What did the traffic light say to the other?
"Hey, stop looking at me! I'm changing!"
What’s red and cries?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
Roses are red and violets are blue, my best friend is Sue, and she's blue, too.
(meaning sad)
Roses are red, violets are not, everyone at Grant High School is probably a thot.
What's red and runs up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
My cat is red and brown and her bones are crunchy, so does that mean she is a Kit Kat?
What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?
They both died with red rings.
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
What’s red, blonde, and wet?
Saskia in grain.
Roses are red, just like your lips.
Mountains are big, just like your tits.
Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.
Yo mama is so fat that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl and a plate and ketchup to the red zone.
Roses are red,
foxes are red,
I like your butt, let me touch it forever.
When I was younger, I went to an Indian convenience store to pick up a lottery ticket. When the cashier handed me the ticket, she told me to "hold it properly." So I ripped the red dot right off of her forehead.
What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.
Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.
What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.
What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.
Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.
I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.
Violets are blue, roses are red.
Last night your mom was giving me head.
Blood is red.
Bruises are blue. I forget the rest... um, I hate you...?
I kicked a ball into someone. Now I got a red card.
I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!